Thankfulness

So many things I'm thankful for:

• The woman in the car today who, along with her husband, circled our building three times looking at all the metal we're having recycled. She thinks I'm a bitch. I'm not, but it doesn't matter. I learn so much from unpleasant people. Sorry they couldn't have anything from the pile. It's the only income we have from the business at this point as we close down. I let them know we were closing and that our life was destroyed, but she didn't care. I apologized for being bitchy (translated, I said they couldn't have anything) and that didn't matter either. Nor did it matter when I said my husband saw them circle the building and was freaking out. Apparently, she believes I'm mean to everyone. Except for the fact that I'm not. She's representative of all those people I won't miss at all.
• I'm thankful for the people at Ponderosa Heating and Cooling. They installed our updraft fan on the roof for our dyno. They did such a great job twelve years ago that removing it was easy. So was patching the hole they left. And they left the insulation stuffed up under the ceiling so that we can fix that too. They do all our heat pump stuff at home and they are just great!
• I'm thankful for the folks at East Cascade Security. They provided us with alarm service and the security cameras we have. Sue was so nice on the phone when I told them what was going on. We're grateful for all they did for us over the thirteen years we were in business.
• I'm thankful for the people we did business with. Not everyone was loyal to our shop, but many were and they were awesome. Even the folks that went other places were great. They never questioned any of my husband's recommendations because they knew he wouldn't sell them anything that they didn't need or was junk. Neither would I, for that matter. They kept us going during the crash of 2008 and beyond. There aren't enough words to tell them how much we love them. They were all amazing. We were blessed to know them and they made life at the shop more than joyful.
• I'm thankful for our friends..particularly Rob and June. They've been family since the 80's when we trained together in Kenpo. We've been through a lot together and we've seen each other through some extremely difficult times. We love them. Simple as that. And we'd do absolutely anything for them.
• The guy who came and picked up our steel and aluminum for recycle was awesome. Schnitzer Steel was the company, and they were so helpful. Sad that we had to throw stuff away, but I can't take all that home. My husband had collected that stuff for years and had plans for much of it. It was really hard for him to let all of it go, but bless his heart, as traumatic as it was he did it. And since he came today, we don't have to spend all night here guarding the pile from folks that apparently want stuff from it. 
• As for my landlord, by evicting us because he felt like it, he destroyed our business. I'm thankful that I know at last just who he is. I gave him the benefit of the doubt on a few issues that I now know I shouldn't have. But live and learn, I guess. When someone says, yeah, don't turn the guy in back in to the city, just come to me and I'll handle it, and then nothing really happens, wake up and smell the coffee burning. Because when you get tired of waiting (8 years) and working within the so-called "requirements", you become the problem when you stand up for your rights. Thanks again, buddy.
• Lastly, I'm thankful for my boys and the lovely women in their lives. Although James and Leah aren't married, we regard her as our daughter-in-law just as we do Emilie, who married Josh last December. I don't worry about my boys anymore because of those two incredible women. And my sons have turned into such amazing men. They work hard, are so smart, and behave with honor and integrity. I love the four of them so much.

As awful as all this is, I'm grateful for the experience. I learned so many things that I never thought I would ever know about. I also learned that I don't do well around self-absorbed, ego-driven people. Or those that manipulate and lie. Or guys who secretly want to be single when they're not. They were the most interesting. It was so hard watching them demean their wives in front of me. I spent many hours over the years envisioning what it would have been like to perform my black belt test on them. Or even the first couple of minutes. Yep, never a good idea to demean your woman in front of me or my husband. He nearly decked one guy for it. And we were not surprised when we learned they divorced. So it's best that I stay away from folks like that. Give them a wide berth and be happy when they don't act that way. Nobody's perfect and we all get self-absorbed from time to time. It's normal and sometimes even healthy. But when it combines with smugness and a desire to control others, it just doesn't do anyone any good. I'm so grateful for everyone who didn't act that way. They were such a joy to know and I'm so glad they're a part of our life. And the others, I wish them happiness, because evidently they need some. Maybe then they'd see that they can extend love to others without expecting anything in return. Life doesn't have to be a quid pro quo experience. It's actually better when it's not.

For us, we'll be fine. The stress will go away. We can focus on our home and property, something we haven't been able to do for thirteen years. I was ill for so long that I lost the connection I used to have with my home. I couldn't work around the yard or garden. I felt completely useless. I stood under an evergreen tree in our front yard the other day to get out of the wind, and it was so cool. That tree was small enough when we bought the place thirty two years ago that we didn't need a ladder to put Christmas lights on it. Now, it's so tall that I can stand under its branches. How cool is that!!

I think we'll be out of here by next week. And that's a good thing.

Looking to the future

The day I left the message on our voice mail at the shop that we have to move and we didn't know at the time what the future held, was difficult. Then the first messages started coming in. One guy, who really should know better, was sorry it was happening, but "needed a call back immediately" so he could decide whether or not to buy a trike. He needed to know if Jerry would be working for him in the future. For the love of God, what is it with people? Needless to say, I didn't call him back. And I'm not going to. Then there were the folks who were upset and completely supportive of us. Jason, Becky, John, Harry, Bob, Frank, Kyle - just to name a few.  I love them more than words can express. They're the people who kept us going all these years. And I don't mean financially.

Then there's Rob and June. Our friends - really family - for twenty eight years. We were martial artists together, and as black belts, taught in our dojo together. We've supported one another through good times and bad. They're the folks who, when you count who your real friends are, are at the top of that list. Now and forever. Thank God for them because we really need them right now.

The funny thing is, as we progress toward closing down the business, as upsetting as all this is, I don't fear the future. We'll be fine. Maybe even better than we are right now. We'll have time to work around our property, which is a good thing given that we haven't really done much for the last thirteen years. As ill as I was for eleven of those years, I have felt disconnected from my home all this time. I used to grow massive gardens so that I could freeze vegetables for the coming year. I used to irrigate 4.6 acres of pasture all by myself, as well as all the ditch work that was necessary. One year I actually got three cuttings of hay. Of course, that only happened when we fertilized. It was pretty cool, though. I think we got ten tons that year. Somewhere I have a photo of the boys sitting atop the hay stack. It was awesome!

These days, gardening is made more difficult due to the herd of deer that hang out at our place. So it will be the greenhouse for that. I may use some hydroponic stuff out there this time as well. Because bok choy is awesome when grown hydroponically. The water content is so high and it tastes wonderful! I'll also be able to learn more about growing medical cannabis. I've been participating lately now that I'm physically able, and I've learned so much. But there's more to learn, and now I'll have the time to do that.

When all this is over, it will be awesome to sit out on the deck and watch the world go by. 

Pay Attention

If something doesn't seem right, then it probably isn't. This nutty world we all live in requires that we pay attention to that inner voice we all possess. Where others fail us, the inner voice won't. Even if it just means that we take a second look at something, paying attention results in acting with intention instead of only reacting with emotion.

We need to surround ourselves with all things positive. It's too easy to become caught up in all the negative energy that continually flows around us. When we do, it's hard to see what's really going on. And it's all too easy to become passive/aggressive and claim the victim role.

Although it's easy to blame others for our circumstances, it's best to look inward for answers, even when others are clearly involved or responsible. Awareness is key to understanding how it is we find ourselves in the messes that we do. We participate in life, whether we admit that or not. We have far more choices than we'd like to believe. We say we have no choice when the reality is that we just don't like the consequences of that choice.

Also, we need to discern the difference between fighting a winning battle and a losing one. That's where awareness comes in again - understanding that fighting a losing battle is all about negative energy. It's seductive and self-reinforcing when we become the martyr in any situation. We like the attention it gives. Self-righteousness for it's own sake is only destructive and doesn't solve anything. Instead, we should focus on what's real instead of engaging in magical thinking which gives rise to martyrdom.

So, back to the inner voice... It may not be precise, or exact. But anytime the red flags go up in our psyche, we need to look further and if need be, make the hard choices. That way, we potentially retain more control over the impossible situations we often find ourselves in. And sometimes, that's the best we can do.

Heritage for the Blind Donation

We donated three cars today to Heritage for the Blind. From the phone call to arrange pick up, to the tow company who came today, this process was easy and the people involved were just great! I highly recommend calling 1800-DONATE-CARS if you have any vehicles that are just sitting around, and in our case, decomposing. You get a tax deduction after the vehicles are sold at auction, and the money goes for a good cause.

Here's the link to their website:
http://www.1800donatecars.com/