Judge Baugh MUST resign.

I listened to Melissa Harris-Perry as she read her letter to G.Todd Baugh, the judge in Montana who stupidly blamed the 14 year old child for her teacher raping her. Although he subsequently apologized for his misogynistic statements, his apology appears to be falling on deaf ears. Instead of sentencing the rapist to a minimum of two years as the law provided, the rapist was ultimately given 30 days. Judge Baugh said that the teenager was "older than her chronological age" as justification when he sentenced her rapist to 15 years, and then suspended that to 30 days. Before she was 18, the child victim committed suicide.

As both an incest survivor and a mother, this makes me insane. Montana law states that anyone under the age of 16 cannot consent to sex with an adult. She was 14, for God's sake. How could she consent? She can't. And while the judge believes he should be, in his words, "chastised", he refuses to resign from the bench. 

Judge Baugh's resignation should be the least of what happens to him. This girl committed suicide in 2010, after which the prosecutors said they would drop the charges if the rapist entered a treatment program. Treatment program. Right. Like that's going to help. Rehab has become the way criminals avoid incarceration. Go to rehab, avoid jail. What rehab exists for this child, or her family? What exists to help them avoid the pain and the permanent incarceration of their souls? The system failed them. The judge failed them. And an innocent child is dead.

We don't think right about sexual abuse and its consequences. The fact that the child committed suicide as a result of her abuse should have resulted in more jail time for her rapist, not less. Had she not taken her own life, her emotional and psychological future would still have been in jeopardy. 

Any child who experiences sexual abuse has a difficult time in adulthood, no matter if she is believed or not, or has had therapy or not. It's the same thing as the PTSD our soldiers suffer from. I didn't go into therapy until I was 39 years old, after my mother died. I only told my husband and my boys a few years before that. Sexual assault destroys you. To live with that kind of fear, particularly when it's a parent responsible for the abuse, is beyond terrifying. I only began breathing easier on July 2nd of this year, when my father died. I'll be 56 in October and what he did to me has governed everything about me.

I have spent most of my life trying to survive in the midst of abuse reactions. First of all, I fear everything and everyone. I don't let on to anyone that I feel this way, but I do. Doesn't matter if anyone is doing anything wrong, there's still this underlying terror that sits inside me. And yes, it gets in the way. All the time.

I don't like it when anyone impedes me from doing something. Simple things, like my husband putting his arms around me while I'm doing the dishes for example can completely freak me out. Now that he knows what's going on, he tries not to do that anymore. Other survivors report the same thing. Never come up behind a survivor and prevent her escape. Most people never understand they're doing that because it's not their intention. But if you're standing between me and a way out, I become terrified. I can know with complete certainty that you're not doing anything to hurt me. It doesn't matter. I'm still terrified. But you won't know that.

Motherhood is interesting when you're a survivor. I tend to people-please and I never want to be in a position of not believing someone who is telling the truth. Enter my boys. Gifted and articulate, they could plead their cases with aplomb. So who to believe. Sometimes I would send both to their rooms, and then apologize for doing so. Fortunately, they didn't manipulate me during these times. They knew I was struggling. 

There were times I couldn't answer the telephone when it was ringing (before caller ID), because I was terrified it would be my father. I would stand in front of the telephone, shaking, tears streaming down my face. Then one of the boys would approach me and ask if I wanted him to answer the phone. Sometimes I would let them, and sometimes I wouldn't. After all, I'm their mother. It's my job to protect them. It's not their job to protect me.

I finally told my father what I experience when I hear his voice. He called the business we owned at the time and although I was in a panic attack, I knew I had to speak to him.  I took the phone from my husband and told my father just what I was feeling at that moment. I told him that whenever I hear his voice, I can't speak, I can't breathe, I feel like I'm going to die. I told him then that he cannot call me anymore. But that didn't stop him and his umpteenth wife from doing it again. That time, my husband spoke to my father's wife on the phone, and told her in no uncertain terms that he would not allow them to see me. That was several years ago. 

Now that my abuser is dead, I'm safe.  He had an arsenal and never let any of us forget that fact. But I can talk about it now without worrying what he will do to me. Cannabis helps with my PTSD issues and I'm glad Oregon is allowing that as a qualifying condition now. Survivors need access to something that's safe and effective when coping gets dicey. Believe me, our veterans are thrilled at this new policy change as well. They need it as much as we do.

Survivors just try to survive. That's what we do. It all may seem odd to someone who hasn't experienced this. People may think that since it's not happening anymore, we should just let it go. As if we could. When the judicial system in all its forms doesn't support us, then our last line of defense is gone. Judge Baugh can engage in all the revisionist history he wants. He can't un-ring that destructive bell. He can't bring back that child. He must atone. He must resign and take his good ol' boy attitude with him.

Here is Melissa's letter to the judge. And this is an article I read in Huffington Post.

UPDATE: This is a link to a Think Progress article talking about Judge Baugh reconsidering the 30 day sentence. "Judge Who Sentenced 14-Year-Old’s Rapist To 30 Days In Prison Decides This Sentence Was Illegal"

UPDATE:  The predator is apparently going to be released today.. Just great.

Did we just open the door to legalization?

Attorney General Eric Holder announced today that as long as states don't let it be a free for all, they can move forward on recreational use of cannabis. And apparently, this applies to the states with legal medical cannabis as well. Now that we have legalized dispensaries here in Oregon, and reduced cannabis to a Schedule 2, it will be interesting to see how all of this unfolds. 

It certainly feels like we're on the path to full legalization. I've never understood how it could be prohibited on a lie in the first place. Especially considering how many lives have been ruined by incarcerating folks for using a completely safe plant to feel better - either medicinally or recreationally. What difference does it make which it is?

But then we've been led astray before, and I suppose that we'll have to wait and see just how far-reaching this is. Will it stop the court case involving an Anaheim landlord and the DEA in which the DEA wants to seize the building owned by the landlord because he had a tenant there with a dispensary? I read that the building is worth 1.5 million so is that what this is about? Money? What about the fact that it's legal in California for dispensaries to exist? Will they finally leave Harborside alone? After all, Oakland wants them there. Will this result in releasing the people in jail for cannabis? It should. Will the raids on the legal dispensaries stop now? Was it the fact that Senator Leahy decided to hold hearings next week in the Judiciary Committee to ask why state laws aren't being respected that this response happened today? I mean, I don't really care as long as this is the real deal.

I don't know, but things do feel different. Watching the Let Freedom Ring event yesterday in Washington DC commemorating the March on Washington as well as Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. gave me hope for the future. It seems like people are getting really tired of the nonsense that's been going on. It's all about oppression in one fashion or another. Doesn't matter if it's cannabis laws, the Voting Rights Act, the Keystone XL Pipeline, Wall Street and the economy, Congress, the Violence Against Women's Act, SNAP, Meals On Wheels, Head Start, or anything else. We want to be treated with respect and dignity by our government. We want law enforcement to stop behaving like thugs. We want Congress to do it's job. We want this ridiculous sequester to stop so that necessary programs such as SNAP, Meals On Wheel, and Head Start are fully funded. It's okay to care about the American people. You're supposed to. You can't create the current situation and then walk away from your responsibilities. 

And your primary responsibility is to tell us the truth. Always. The last thing any of us should fear is following our state laws. Because that's what cannabis patients fear. We follow our state laws and then we go to jail anyway, or the dispensary owners have their businesses raided. Or our children are taken from us. I hope this new understanding stops all of this from happening in the future. It's like that doctrine of clean hands idea. If you can't come into court to sue someone when your own participation in the situation is less than legal, then how can the government prohibit something it's lying about and then incarcerate its citizenry for knowing the truth and using it anyway? 

It would be one thing if cannabis killed people. I know the government likes to say it does all kinds of horrible things, but it's simply not true. But if it were that bad, then prohibition would make sense. We have all kinds of laws on the books protecting consumers from businesses that essentially lie to them about their products.  If it's against the law to scam people in business, why isn't lying to the American people about cannabis? Surely we can all agree that we've been scammed all this time. If anyone doesn't agree, better watch Sanjay Gupta's special again. 

All we're asking for is for the truth about cannabis to be common knowledge. I attended the Seattle Hempfest this year and listened to a panel of doctors talk about the efficacy of cannabis in the treatment of pretty much everything. Dr. William Courtney went on and on about the benefits of daily raw cannabis in one's diet. He fervently believes that it should be a regular part of our diet. And given all of the environmental concerns we face, cannabis can protect and heal us. 

The federal government never should have allowed this state/federal conflict to exist in the first place. As soon as decriminalization efforts began, followed by medicinal cannabis laws, the federal government should have eliminated the conflict so that state laws would be respected. To let it go on this long is abuse. The federal government needs to own what they did to all of us. 

So there you have it...

At the Portland VA yesterday...

So my husband had a root canal scheduled yesterday at the Portland VA Hospital. He's a disabled VietNam vet and the VA takes care of him. I know all the problems that exist with the Veteran's Administration, particularly now, but in my husband's case, his care has been pretty good. We left before we were supposed to one time, and the eye doctor he was seeing actually called us while we were driving down I5 (we were taking our youngest son at OSU out to lunch). Although we really felt foolish, we didn't go back that day. But the doctor was concerned, so he called. I thought that was really nice of him. Now there's an eye clinic in Bend so we don't have to drive all the way to Portland for that. We only do it for the dentist. But that wasn't always the case. In the beginning, he had to go there for everything. Then, the VA decided that they would pay private doctors over in our area to treat disabled vets. That worked okay, but the payment was less than doctors typically charged and not all would take a vet as a patient. Then a miracle happened! The VA opened a clinic in Bend.

Awesome! Except it doesn't have dental yet. But we're hopeful. And recently, they moved to a larger space which is really nice. The staff is really great and I know Jerry appreciates everything they do for him there.

So back to the Portland VA Hospital. It has become such a welcoming place. I have to say that years ago, like in the 80's, I didn't have that feeling. I think it was last year or so that we walked in the front door and were greeted by some delightful nursing students who asked if Jerry had had his flu shot yet. He said no, and they took him over to the flu shot table and he got his flu shot. Everyone in the lobby was in such a great mood. People were visiting with one another, smiling and laughing. It was wonderful there that day.

But then, other than parking, we usually have a positive experience at the VA hospital. The food in the hospital cafeteria is basically okay, because after all it is cafeteria food. The hospital staff treat everyone with respect and dignity. The dental folks are awesome. The eye doctors he has seen there are also great. 

But I do know "nightmare" and "VA" go hand in hand. It took years for us to have medical insurance for me and the boys - not because it wasn't available, but because no one at the time could figure out which section we belonged in. Finally a very nice woman in Salem took care of everything and we finally had insurance. But we didn't when my youngest was born and since both boys were C-sections, we had to pay out of pocket for him. We sold the truck to pay off the last $400 we owed on our beloved child. Of course, had we had insurance then, we'd probably still have that damn truck. It was an International. I hated it. So there's that. 

The VA has a backlog that is ridiculous and destructive. And shameful (thank you, Bush administration). It's taking far too long to get benefits established and care given. Every time I hear about a veteran not getting the care that he or she deserves and needs, I know that it's happening because our government has made that choice. I've seen the VA work the way it's supposed to work. These people work hard and care about the veterans they serve. Given the opportunity, they would gladly meet and/or exceed the needs of our veterans. But they can't do it without funding.

Our government has some interesting priorities. They take us into war on a lie. They don't give our troops the equipment or body armor that they need to stay safe. In a cavalier fashion, they take away our civil rights in order that our "freedom" is preserved. That's hilarious. And then they don't take proper care of our veterans when they return home. And this time, we didn't even have a draft. These people defended our country without being forced to do so. Our first priority should be their care. They risked everything. Everything. 

And to our government: please don't go to war again. You clearly don't understand your responsibility for those who do your bidding. And I'll just bet that when you finally do, we'll never go to war again. And pull your collective heads out of your collective asses and fix the backlog. Don't leave these people hanging while you try to repeal Obamacare one more time. Or whatever it is you idiots do to not earn your paychecks.

Hempfest 2013 - Saturday

What a happy place! I've never seen so many smiling faces in one place, ever. We couldn't have had a better time. We walked down to Seeley and listened to Tribal Voices. They said they've been opening Hempfest on Saturday for the last 17 years.

Jerry and Jorge Cervantes

Tribal Voices

We listened to great panels in the Hemposium. I got a picture of Jerry meeting Jorge Cervantes after the panel on growing. What a nice man! And so very knowledgeable about growing cannabis. 

We had a wonderful conversation with a lovely Tibetan man who also attended His Holiness the Dalai Lama's lecture in May. We each shared our impressions of His Holiness and agreed that we each left the lecture changed somehow. The feeling we experienced has continued to stay with each of us. I felt elevated just speaking with him. It was a lovely way to begin the day. 

Cannabis Lawyer panel

The panels were great. First up..the cannabis lawyers. I love those guys. They don't mince words and are extremely helpful. There was a Knowledge Tent in front of Hemposium and after each panel finished, they went out to the tent to answer questions. The Know Your Rights panel was comprised of Aaron Pelley, Jeff Steinborn, Kurt Boehl, and Douglas Hiatt. The consensus of opinion of the panel was to remain silent - cooperative - but silent when contacted by the police. Steinborn's basic premise was to break only one law at a time. It was fascinating to listen to these guys. 

Medical Benefits of Cannabis panel

The doctors were next. Dr. David Bearman, Dr. Jake Felice, Dr, David Ostrow, and Dr. William Courtney. They covered several issues, but the one that kept coming up was the efficacy of higher CBD varieties in treating basically everything. Breeding higher CBD varieties as opposed to higher THC varieties produce plants with less psychoactive ability than their typical counterparts. Dr. Felice uses cannabis in his medical practice and discussed that various CBD components are effective in the treatment of diabetes, rheumatoid arthritis, chronic pain, muscle spasms, inflammatory conditions, immune system problems, anxiety and yes, more. Dr. Courtney stressed the importance of daily raw ingestion of cannabis for everyone, including children. He recommended that the leaf not be harvested after the third month as its potency declines after that. He spoke about CBD Acid, which he called a stunning gift. He noted that in a study done with mice, researchers saw a drop in diabetes from 86% to 28% with the introduction of cannabidiol. It helped with optic neuropathy and insulin resistance. It's effective in both prevention and in repairing the damage that results. Dr. Bearman spoke about cardiac patients who experience 30 point drop in the blood pressure when on cannabis. This was an unbelievably important panel discussion. This is the kind of information people need to illustrate what a incredibly healing plant this is and how ridiculous our government's stance is on it. For the love of God, cannabis cures cancer. It controls severe epilepsy. It connects autistic children with their families. It saves childrens' lives. We need this kind of honest conversation. We need these facts.

Growing medicine panel

The next panel we heard were the growers. Okay, we tend to worship these people. Jorge Cervantes was on the panel, as was Josh Rettie, Stinkbud, and DJ Short. Jorge is Jorge - enough said there. Josh Rettie, I believe, is from Washington. Stinkbud has a medical cooperative and does some cool stuff with aeroponic growing. In response to a question on light time for flowering, DJ Short shared a great tip. He recommended 11 hours on, 13 off. This produces more bud than the traditional 12/12 configuration. He also recommended switching that 13 on/11 off for veg. They talked about not keeping mother plants around too long, which is true. They lose their vigor after a while. It's better to rotate them out. Stinkbud indicated that his yields with hydro are far greater, but that there's nothing like growing in soil, particularly outside. Jorge felt that greenhouses were useful as well, especially when considering protection of the plants.

I have to say, I wasn't sure I wanted to return this year to Hempfest. Last year was hot and I got a blister on the bottom of my foot..the first day. It was horrible. But I persevered. And in view of the successful legalization efforts last year in Washington, I thought it would be fun. And it has been. Oregon just legalized dispensaries. We've already rescheduled it to a 2. Sure would be nice if we'd legalize it completely. 

Instead of Hempfest, it should have been called LoveFest, because love for this plant was everywhere. Or I was high. In any event, have a happy, hempy day!

Hempfest 2013 - Friday

Friday..
It's pretty cool that this is the first Hempfest where cannabis is legal. For everyone. I had this guy stop me who was selling a cannabis spray. He sounded like a used car salesman. I smiled, and told him I make my own. Lots of cannabis fairies in attendance. Seriously, and they're not all women. It's hilarious. Everyone is having such a good time. And it seems like there's more food vendors this year and everything smells so great! We had dinner at Anthony's and had great garlic roasted prawns. My green beans from the bean platform were better, but Anthony's were good. I'm just partial to mine. Plus they're growing up on a platform up in a tree. So there's that. (see prior blog posts for the bean tree)

Jerry (middle) meeting SubCool
and MizJill

We bought member tickets this year so we don't have to stand in line. I hate standing in line. Especially when it's hot. But then there is the requisite Ben and Jerry's booth. And yes, we were there. Very yummy. We listened to several bands and every one of them was great! Lots of reggae (I LOVE reggae) and there was a techno deal down at the end of the park which was really infectious. Everyone was really enjoying the music. Tomorrow we'll hang out at the Hemposium and listen to speakers. Jorge Cervantes will be there to participate in a growing panel discussion. Jerry met SubCool and MizJill today..I stayed with the blanket and food, but managed to take pictures anyway. We grow TGA Genetics strains and Jerry wanted to let SubCool know how much we appreciate all the research and work TGA does to help patients, me in particular. So it was a real treat for Jerry to meet them. If he gets to meet Jorge, his visit will be complete. Jorge wrote the medical grower's bible we all use and I really hope we meet him. I'll just have to be assertive. That shouldn't be a problem ;-) 

I'll post more tomorrow.. but just know, I'm feeling a little disappointed at not getting ANY Doritos from the Seattle PD ;-) 

An Idiot Came to my Door Tonight Wearing a Gun

So around 8pm this evening, someone knocked on my front door. Now, we have five acres and our home sits down at the bottom of it..over 700 feet off the road. No one comes to my house without my knowing in advance, so I carefully went to the door to see who was there. My husband was in another building on the property, so he wasn't with me at the time.

A really big guy was at the door. I didn't know him.  I quickly locked the door and spoke to him through the window in the door. Although it was getting dark on the porch, I saw the gun in his holster. I screamed at him to get off my porch, that I was calling the police. He's screaming back saying that he knows my husband. I screamed back that I didn't know him and to leave. Finally he yelled back to have my husband come and see him and left. It turned out that he's the guy my next door neighbors arranged to plant and irrigate their pasture. So my husband went next door to chat with the moron. He wanted me to plug off the culvert so that my irrigation runoff didn't go onto that field. The problem is, it's not just my runoff and the neighbor agreed to the installation of that culvert so that he could irrigate an area in the lower part of his pasture that he doesn't have irrigation rights for. That culvert helped us keep the runoff from destroying our driveway, and it helped keep the area close to my neighbor's home green, reducing the chance of fire. There's only so much I can do to control that water. He probably should have spoken with us before agreeing to use their field. We would have gladly told him the issues with flood irrigation in our area. But he didn't do that and I don't know what the neighbor shared with him. But I will do whatever I can to not rot his seeds. I have trees along the driveway that I have to water, but maybe I can do that another way.

But then there's the gun.

I own guns. I have no problem with people having carry permits. I have no problem with people owning weapons. I have a problem with big men I don't know knocking on my door at night with a gun visible on their person. At least it was visible so that I knew it was there. But here's the thing. This was frightening. And he really didn't seem to understand why I was upset. But my husband convinced him to not come on our property again with a gun. So that's something I suppose. We'll see...

Truth be told, this isn't my problem. As far as I am concerned, my neighbors are responsible for this guy. It's through their arrangement that he's even here. And I won't be bullied by him or anyone else. You don't go to someone's house with a gun. You just don't. 

So there you have it.

A Gardening Update

I flood irrigate 4.6 acres of pasture. I do it because I'm better at it than my husband. He put in several new headgates for me to use so that I don't have to use tarps. I hate tarps. I much prefer to open and close little gates. Easier on my nails. This year, since I haven't done the irrigation in thirteen years, I'm going to just grow it and not cut it for hay. I need to re-seed the pasture anyway, so next year burning will be a bitch, but whatever. It's looking pretty good, except for one dry spot. The main area is around 3 acres and is beyond the cross fence in the picture.

The greenhouse is doing well. We put in a drip system which the plants seem to like better than a "me" system. I'm not consistent enough apparently so drippers it is! On the right is a hot pepper plant with interesting peppers on it. They haven't turned red yet, but they still look cool. My new pink blueberry bush hasn't produced any fruit, so maybe next year it will. I'm looking forward to that!



This is the platform my husband created in a willow tree outside the greenhouse. He did this because of the deer who think they own our property and believe they are entitled to everything growing there. The picture to the right is a shot of the pond from atop the platform. I have pepper plants growing up there as well on the railing he put in to keep me from taking a header off the thing. And yes, I'm totally capable of doing something like that. There are times when I need a keeper, and this was one of those times. I'm growing the beans in two big pots and they've been very prolific this year.

Below is a hyrdroponic lettuce raft in which I'm growing romaine lettuce. I really like rafts for growing all kinds of things, but lettuce does extremely well. This is the first time using one outside though. 

I also have a hydroponic tub inside the house with bok choy growing. Bok choy is awesome to grow hydroponically and has a much higher water content than what we buy in the produce department. There's really nothing like it. The tub has little sprayers inside and come on every so many minutes and spray the roots with nutrient solution. It's awesome!




To the right and left are pictures of some super soil we made. We used the recipe from TGA Genetics and it works well for anything you want to grow. I bought a turnable compost bin to make it as well as compost for next year.

And speaking of next year, we have plans to build a bigger greenhouse and to do something interesting with floating docks out on the pond. All in a effort to circumvent these guys:

Happy gardening!