You know, women really have had enough of this crap..

So an idiot decides to take out some sorority girls because they don't like him. And conservatives on Twitter are now using the hashtag #YesAllWomen to say some really snarky things to women for speaking out about the mass shooting where seven people were murdered by this dumbass. Most of the tweets using the hashtag were in support of women. Thank the Goddess for that at least. And then there was the conservative pundit Dana something or other who really went after women on Twitter. Not a day goes by it seems that I'm not reminded by Madeleine Albright's comment about a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. And at a time where people died at the hands of a lunatic! Where is her compassion? Where is her moral compass? 

I mean, when guys act this way, it's not really surprising anymore. Just look at the Open Carry guys. They're targeting any woman who speaks out against them, threatening rape, murder and anything else they can come up with, as a means to silence any voice against what they want to do. "White Male Entitlement" I've heard it called. It's what happens when guys become afraid, I guess. And misogyny seems to rule the day with many of them.

Well, here's the thing. Women are so sick of all the men..and, sadly, other women, who behave this way. Your antics are embarrassing. Your comments are abusive. We're sick of being threatened for speaking out. The Constitution of this great country gives EVERYONE the right to express themselves. Not just the morons with the biggest guns, or the most money. SCOTUS would do well to remember that fact as well and stop ruling in ways that undermine the balance our Constitution provides. We're not sluts, nor are we going to sit back any longer and take the bullshit you're dishing out.

A heavy price will be paid by those who are so hurtful. I believe that will begin happening in November. The GOP's efforts to manipulate women into believing they actually care about them are backfiring in a huge way. We saw you coming a long time ago. We know exactly who you are and we believe nothing you say. You have no place in polite society until you can truly change your hearts and stop all this abusive and oppressive nonsense.

And while the families of the slain are grieving, could all of you just shut the fuck up and go hug your mothers, sisters, wives, partners..and tell them you love them. Because we're having a hard time believing that these days..

Well now, isn't that convenient?

There's a movement afoot that requires women to be subservient to their husbands. Yeah, like that's going to happen. I'm so glad I raised my two boys to respect women and view them as equals. I can't imagine either of them ever behaving this way toward their wives. If they did, they'd have to face me, and that won't end well.

Yes, it's that important. Shared responsibility is what we modeled for our boys. Subservience was anathema. I knew women who lived that way and I didn't understand it then and I surely don't understand it now. It's one thing to defer to someone who knows more than you about something. It's another to do so simply because of gender and family position. The other thing we did was to respect their views. Ultimately, we made the final decisions, but they had a voice in their lives. Of course, that's not how we were raised. We both grew up in the "be seen and not heard" era of child rearing. Having experienced patriarchy that was abusive, we made the choice to break that cycle. My husband has never viewed women as less than, so he naturally set a positive example for the boys.

Patriarchy breeds abuse. Women and children lose. Every time. The feminist movement has tried to suggest a more balanced approach to relationships, but apparently it fell on some pretty deaf ears, because we're seeing the effects of this attitude everywhere. Conservative governors are signing into law policies that not only promote inequality, but are also found later to be unconstitutional in some cases. It's evident in committee hearings on women's issues when no women are at the table testifying. Apparently Congressional committees believe only old, white men have the answers when women's issues come up. It's governmental patriarchy at its most disgusting.

The Mayor of Hoboken, New Jersey, and her staff, are talking to the feds right now about a conversation she had with the Lt. Governor of her state. The nasty comments from other political officials that ensued were demeaning..referring to her as the lady mayor, and questioning her motivations. She's a Democrat, so evidently it's open season on her gender instead of on what she's saying. Most of the comments I heard indicated that no one seemed to even know her. How do they not know the Mayor of Hoboken? It's not like it's some out of the way little town. 

It's bad enough when we have men in our lives that oppress and abuse us, but when it gets codified into law, we have no redress save the courts, and they're a mess. A woman defends herself against a violent husband she had a restraining order on, and she gets 20 years. She's out on bail now after already serving time and nearly went back to jail for going shopping after receiving permission to do so. They've calmed down, but what else are they going to do to her? How much dignity is she supposed to lose for defending herself?

Abortion is a constitutional right, but you'd never know it in some states. Conservative governors again sign into law bills that are only going to ultimately be overturned in some higher court. Of course we have no idea what SCOTUS will do about all of it, and given the conservative activist mentality on the Court today, we may be in for some real trouble on abortion rights. Or they may just surprise us and simply do their jobs and interpret existing law. It didn't happen with the Citizen's United decision, so many of us are worried.

This week, Mike Huckabee made a ridiculous comment about women's libidos.This, from a former pastor. He essentially believes that we're all Democrats so that someone called Uncle Sugar will support us while our libidos run amok. He needs to get his mind out of the gutter and remember God. Others in the last election cycle had idiotic things to say about rape and pregnancy that does result no matter what delusions are rattling around their empty heads. Why don't they all come out and say what they're thinking: women are sluts. Sluts because we dare to question. Sluts because we dare to say no. Sluts because we dare to believe that we can be someone. Sluts because we want to equal pay. Sluts because we dare to decide WHEN we have children. Sluts because we want respect. Sluts because we dare to want more than you will give us. This is why you cannot be in control. You can't handle the responsibility. 

I've known some pretty intelligent men in my life, but I've also known real idiots. Same is true for women I've known. We need to respect individual differences and not claim ownership on others. Women and children aren't objects for your amusement. We're here and we matter. We move forward in life together; otherwise, we go nowhere. You have to stop being afraid of that fact.

And blessings to my husband and sons who already understand this..

Lay back and enjoy it???

I just read an article in Think Progress (link below) where Ranjit Sinha, India's Chief of the Central Bureau of Investigation, said that if you are raped and can't stop it, you might as well lay back and enjoy it. He apologized, saying the usual "it was taken out of context" comments. I guess he doesn't realize that when he qualifies it that way, no woman anywhere is going to believe him.

I had a customer at the motorcycle shop I co-owned with my husband who told a rape joke that essentially ended with the same conclusion. His name was Mike and I think he was in his seventies, but still, what an idiot. It's in moments like these that I am thankful for the fact that I'm an honorable black belt. Because that honor was the only thing that kept me from jumping over my desk and performing the first 30 seconds or so of my black belt test on his face. But then, had I done so, I would have been no better than he was and I don't believe in beating up old men.

Many of us are survivors of sexual assault. To hear that an official charged with investigating rape said something like this demonstrates how rape culture filters throughout society, no matter where. In my case, that customer thought he was so special, telling that story. You know the kind who tell you a joke or a story as they take your leave. Thankfully, I never saw him again, and now that our business is over, I hope I never do. Because if I do, I'm going to bring up that story he told and explain to him how offensive it was. And yes, I'll use my words and not other parts of my body in the explanation. I hope his wife is there when I say these things. Wives never know how their husbands behave while out on their Harleys. She would be horrified. The crap I've witnessed would fill volumes.

Another customer, Roger, in September of 2007 came by the shop for something and as he was leaving, he shook my hand. Now Roger knew that we used to teach karate for a living and he also knew how ill I was. He shook my hand, gripping it so hard that he broke something in one of the fingers of my right hand. I knew something happened, but I didn't know for sure what it was. I was in such shock and in such pain that I just sat there. I always struggled with standing up for myself there because I felt that doing so would negatively affect our business. But Roger knew I had severe rheumatoid arthritis and that my hands were a mess. Shaking someone's hand is so automatic that I didn't think twice because no one..and I mean no one.. had ever gripped my hand that way. Most wouldn't even try to shake my hand..they could see what my hands looked like. They were swollen and at times I couldn't even hold a phone in my hand because gripping anything was difficult. But he did it. He didn't leave right away and tried to do it one more time before leaving again. I declined and he got a funny look on his face..kind of a half-smile. It was then that I was sure that he knew what he had done. I basically lost full use of that finger due to the swelling and pain. For most of the last six years, it's been that way and now there are at least five nodules that surround the joint. At least I can use it now. So that's something. I heard from some of his friends that he nearly knocked a woman down as he was going out of a door at a gas station and didn't even acknowledge he did so. His friends apologized profusely to her, but not him. In our system, we had techniques for aggressive handshakes. As ill as I was, however, I don't know how effective I would have been had I responded to what was clearly an attack on me. So environmental weaponry would probably have come into play. Kenpoists are nothing if not creative.

We're hearing a lot about rape culture these days. India has had it's fair share of criticism over how it views and then handles rape. Women are ridiculed and judged for something that is not their fault. Rape is a crime, after all. I read about a rape club in New Zealand that has been around destroying lives for the last two years or so. Why has nothing been done about these boys? Why are they being allowed to hurt girls this way?

Women are not the enemy, yet men continually see us that way. And don't even get me started on the women who fail other women. Traitors to the sisterhood, they are. We have a portion of Congress as well as GOP Governors who have begun a national war on women by the policies they introduce that oppress us and circumvent our constitutional rights. We have police who think nothing of doing roadside cavity searches for nonexistent drugs. We have police who arrest women for DUII and then film them as they're strip searched, doing God knows what with the video. And of course there's that stupid teacher who received a 30 day sentence for raping a 14 old student who subsequently committed suicide prior to his sentencing. The judge in the case should be removed from the bench and prosecuted for stupidity alone.
 
Lay back and enjoy it? Really? Do these idiots really think we're that stupid? We see what's going on in the world and how it affects us and our children. We see the lack of compassion and the downright bullying that's going on. Whether it's countries who gas their people, or it's our Tea Party controlled Congress who is doing all kinds of nefarious things to us, we know who you are. Because isn't the Tea Party essentially saying the same thing to all of us..lay back and enjoy it as they give the middle finger to us all? The incident in the restaurant parking lot in Texas the other day demonstrates this. Four women in a restaurant talking about ways to stop gun violence, versus forty men, so secure in their manhood, with guns. The world has gone insane.

How we regard people matters. It really begins and ends there. If we see others as holy and as brothers, we can't help but treat them well. Crimes like rape and other forms of assault would be anathema. We just couldn't bring ourselves to do it, let alone think about doing it. Rape culture is part of a broader mindset that is destructive and serves no one. A little compassion would be nice because #WomenNeverForget and we're #1BillionRising. Might want to think about that..



India’s Top Police Official: ‘If You Can’t Prevent Rape, You Enjoy It’ 

Judge Baugh MUST resign.

I listened to Melissa Harris-Perry as she read her letter to G.Todd Baugh, the judge in Montana who stupidly blamed the 14 year old child for her teacher raping her. Although he subsequently apologized for his misogynistic statements, his apology appears to be falling on deaf ears. Instead of sentencing the rapist to a minimum of two years as the law provided, the rapist was ultimately given 30 days. Judge Baugh said that the teenager was "older than her chronological age" as justification when he sentenced her rapist to 15 years, and then suspended that to 30 days. Before she was 18, the child victim committed suicide.

As both an incest survivor and a mother, this makes me insane. Montana law states that anyone under the age of 16 cannot consent to sex with an adult. She was 14, for God's sake. How could she consent? She can't. And while the judge believes he should be, in his words, "chastised", he refuses to resign from the bench. 

Judge Baugh's resignation should be the least of what happens to him. This girl committed suicide in 2010, after which the prosecutors said they would drop the charges if the rapist entered a treatment program. Treatment program. Right. Like that's going to help. Rehab has become the way criminals avoid incarceration. Go to rehab, avoid jail. What rehab exists for this child, or her family? What exists to help them avoid the pain and the permanent incarceration of their souls? The system failed them. The judge failed them. And an innocent child is dead.

We don't think right about sexual abuse and its consequences. The fact that the child committed suicide as a result of her abuse should have resulted in more jail time for her rapist, not less. Had she not taken her own life, her emotional and psychological future would still have been in jeopardy. 

Any child who experiences sexual abuse has a difficult time in adulthood, no matter if she is believed or not, or has had therapy or not. It's the same thing as the PTSD our soldiers suffer from. I didn't go into therapy until I was 39 years old, after my mother died. I only told my husband and my boys a few years before that. Sexual assault destroys you. To live with that kind of fear, particularly when it's a parent responsible for the abuse, is beyond terrifying. I only began breathing easier on July 2nd of this year, when my father died. I'll be 56 in October and what he did to me has governed everything about me.

I have spent most of my life trying to survive in the midst of abuse reactions. First of all, I fear everything and everyone. I don't let on to anyone that I feel this way, but I do. Doesn't matter if anyone is doing anything wrong, there's still this underlying terror that sits inside me. And yes, it gets in the way. All the time.

I don't like it when anyone impedes me from doing something. Simple things, like my husband putting his arms around me while I'm doing the dishes for example can completely freak me out. Now that he knows what's going on, he tries not to do that anymore. Other survivors report the same thing. Never come up behind a survivor and prevent her escape. Most people never understand they're doing that because it's not their intention. But if you're standing between me and a way out, I become terrified. I can know with complete certainty that you're not doing anything to hurt me. It doesn't matter. I'm still terrified. But you won't know that.

Motherhood is interesting when you're a survivor. I tend to people-please and I never want to be in a position of not believing someone who is telling the truth. Enter my boys. Gifted and articulate, they could plead their cases with aplomb. So who to believe. Sometimes I would send both to their rooms, and then apologize for doing so. Fortunately, they didn't manipulate me during these times. They knew I was struggling. 

There were times I couldn't answer the telephone when it was ringing (before caller ID), because I was terrified it would be my father. I would stand in front of the telephone, shaking, tears streaming down my face. Then one of the boys would approach me and ask if I wanted him to answer the phone. Sometimes I would let them, and sometimes I wouldn't. After all, I'm their mother. It's my job to protect them. It's not their job to protect me.

I finally told my father what I experience when I hear his voice. He called the business we owned at the time and although I was in a panic attack, I knew I had to speak to him.  I took the phone from my husband and told my father just what I was feeling at that moment. I told him that whenever I hear his voice, I can't speak, I can't breathe, I feel like I'm going to die. I told him then that he cannot call me anymore. But that didn't stop him and his umpteenth wife from doing it again. That time, my husband spoke to my father's wife on the phone, and told her in no uncertain terms that he would not allow them to see me. That was several years ago. 

Now that my abuser is dead, I'm safe.  He had an arsenal and never let any of us forget that fact. But I can talk about it now without worrying what he will do to me. Cannabis helps with my PTSD issues and I'm glad Oregon is allowing that as a qualifying condition now. Survivors need access to something that's safe and effective when coping gets dicey. Believe me, our veterans are thrilled at this new policy change as well. They need it as much as we do.

Survivors just try to survive. That's what we do. It all may seem odd to someone who hasn't experienced this. People may think that since it's not happening anymore, we should just let it go. As if we could. When the judicial system in all its forms doesn't support us, then our last line of defense is gone. Judge Baugh can engage in all the revisionist history he wants. He can't un-ring that destructive bell. He can't bring back that child. He must atone. He must resign and take his good ol' boy attitude with him.

Here is Melissa's letter to the judge. And this is an article I read in Huffington Post.

UPDATE: This is a link to a Think Progress article talking about Judge Baugh reconsidering the 30 day sentence. "Judge Who Sentenced 14-Year-Old’s Rapist To 30 Days In Prison Decides This Sentence Was Illegal"

UPDATE:  The predator is apparently going to be released today.. Just great.

More Roadside Cavity Searches in Texas???

Mercy sakes. What the hell is going on in Texas? Why are cops doing cavity searches on women by the side of the road? I read yesterday, that a female cop who did this was reinstated on the force because the powers that be decided that in view of the fact that she's a trainee, it was the responsibility of her training officer to stop her from doing the cavity search.

SHE'S A WOMAN. SHE SHOULD HAVE KNOWN BETTER.

I don't care if she was a trainee. She needs to lose her job along with her idiot training officer. Does anyone take responsibility for their actions anymore? What difference does it make if she was a trainee? Don't we want our police officers to have the intelligence to think for themselves? If she can't figure this one out without someone else telling her what to do, then she shouldn't be trusted to protect and serve. Because this doesn't serve the public at all. This was a criminal act. Just like in the military. It's no different.

Let's recap a little.. Texas has a problem respecting women. Whether it's the legislature, the governor, or law enforcement, for whatever reason, women are being targeted by abusive behavior. A woman's right to be safe from harm is being systematically destroyed by this state. But they're not alone in this effort. It's almost as if some of these conservative controlled states are vying for the most abusive state award. Their behavior is reckless and destructive.

Do we really need to have 50 states in our union? Secession is looking pretty good at this point. 

#Tampongate????

You know the GOP in Texas has completely gone "off the rails" as they say when they instruct the police to confiscate all the tampons women in the gallery have with them. I guess they finally stopped, but good night nurse. I read they were worried about how unruly the women would get when the Texas legislature voted to screw them over. Yeah, I'd be worried too. But to be worried about tampons being lobbed like projectiles over the balcony is just stupid.

Trust me. Anything that gets thrown at the legislators will likely be far heavier than a tampon would ever be. Unless they threw cases of tampons. That might do it.

2014 is coming. And #WomenNeverForget.