Surviving George Will

Well, George, I guess you've really stepped in it this time. Did you honestly think women wouldn't respond to your latest disgusting nonsense? Survivor privilege. Seriously? You really believe we've attained some sort of status when some asshole decides to rape us? We're ridiculed and chided for even suggesting the rape happened, and somehow this gives way to privilege? For whom? Certainly not for the survivor. You seem to be the one taking all the "privilege" here. Just who do you think you are? Don't bother answering; you've already tried to do that and insulted everyone in the process.

Since you clearly don't understand compassion, or anything else for that matter, maybe I can offer you a different perspective on this issue. While I was not raped during my college years, I was molested as a child by my father, so I knew from an early age that the world was a nightmare waiting to happen. But while I attended college, I fended off various advances, both verbal and physical, from other students, guys on the street, my professors, guys on the bus..you name it. And George, I began college when I was only sixteen. My age never mattered to anyone. So whose privilege was it again?

Prior to beginning the sixth grade, my family moved to Oregon. I was with my younger brother in the park one day and I was accosted by a boy from my school. He followed us around the park and I had a bad feeling the whole time. I knew he was going to do something, so we started heading for home. The next thing I knew, he had his arm around me and was pulling me away from my brother. The look on his face was startling. My brother was seven years younger and deaf, so there was no way I was letting this kid take me anywhere. I grabbed my brother's stocking hat off his head and hit the kid in the face with it. I screamed, "what's wrong with you!!" at him. And then the strangest thing happened. He had the audacity to look hurt. He never said one word to me and simply walked away. But in that moment, I understood why he did what he did. He actually believed he was entitled to do whatever he wanted to do. And it was clear that he thought I was punishing him by refusing his advances. Funny thing is, his name was George too. As was my abuser's middle name.

Is it that women are trying to better themselves by attending college that bothers you so much? Is that why they're fair game to you? Because what a privilege it must be to sit at your desk, or wherever it is that you sit when you write this crap, and spew out such disgusting and insulting nonsense. Is your heart that cold? You really only diminish yourself in the process. And then to double down when you're called out for the misogynist you clearly are? You're evidently among the privileged few who can do this and apparently not get fired for it, so whose privilege is it again?

We learn to fear men because of comments like yours. We learn that there is no safe harbor for us anywhere. Some of us learn that when we're so very young, as I did. How many of us grow up, attend college, and face the same danger there that we faced in our own homes? And how many of us would give anything for men to stand with us, stand up for us, protect us..instead of fearing something else entirely.

Misogynists like you, George, find justification in your words. Justification that will further on their boundary issues and bring untold fear into the lives of women who really don't want this experience that you seem so privileged to push on them. Because every time a survivor hears comments that demean or diminish what they went through, it chips away at our souls. It would be lovely it that weren't the case, but that's what happens. The dumbass making the comments feels just dandy, while we re-experience at least some part of the terror we felt during the crime committed against us. Yes, George, terror. It's as if we're transported back to the moment where everything changed. When it was decided by SOMEONE ELSE, that we were garbage and worth nothing. And try as we might, we can't consider the source because we are so broken inside..still. Long after it's done. Long after it's over. 

Survivor privilege. Oh, George, what it must be like to be you..

Lay back and enjoy it???

I just read an article in Think Progress (link below) where Ranjit Sinha, India's Chief of the Central Bureau of Investigation, said that if you are raped and can't stop it, you might as well lay back and enjoy it. He apologized, saying the usual "it was taken out of context" comments. I guess he doesn't realize that when he qualifies it that way, no woman anywhere is going to believe him.

I had a customer at the motorcycle shop I co-owned with my husband who told a rape joke that essentially ended with the same conclusion. His name was Mike and I think he was in his seventies, but still, what an idiot. It's in moments like these that I am thankful for the fact that I'm an honorable black belt. Because that honor was the only thing that kept me from jumping over my desk and performing the first 30 seconds or so of my black belt test on his face. But then, had I done so, I would have been no better than he was and I don't believe in beating up old men.

Many of us are survivors of sexual assault. To hear that an official charged with investigating rape said something like this demonstrates how rape culture filters throughout society, no matter where. In my case, that customer thought he was so special, telling that story. You know the kind who tell you a joke or a story as they take your leave. Thankfully, I never saw him again, and now that our business is over, I hope I never do. Because if I do, I'm going to bring up that story he told and explain to him how offensive it was. And yes, I'll use my words and not other parts of my body in the explanation. I hope his wife is there when I say these things. Wives never know how their husbands behave while out on their Harleys. She would be horrified. The crap I've witnessed would fill volumes.

Another customer, Roger, in September of 2007 came by the shop for something and as he was leaving, he shook my hand. Now Roger knew that we used to teach karate for a living and he also knew how ill I was. He shook my hand, gripping it so hard that he broke something in one of the fingers of my right hand. I knew something happened, but I didn't know for sure what it was. I was in such shock and in such pain that I just sat there. I always struggled with standing up for myself there because I felt that doing so would negatively affect our business. But Roger knew I had severe rheumatoid arthritis and that my hands were a mess. Shaking someone's hand is so automatic that I didn't think twice because no one..and I mean no one.. had ever gripped my hand that way. Most wouldn't even try to shake my hand..they could see what my hands looked like. They were swollen and at times I couldn't even hold a phone in my hand because gripping anything was difficult. But he did it. He didn't leave right away and tried to do it one more time before leaving again. I declined and he got a funny look on his face..kind of a half-smile. It was then that I was sure that he knew what he had done. I basically lost full use of that finger due to the swelling and pain. For most of the last six years, it's been that way and now there are at least five nodules that surround the joint. At least I can use it now. So that's something. I heard from some of his friends that he nearly knocked a woman down as he was going out of a door at a gas station and didn't even acknowledge he did so. His friends apologized profusely to her, but not him. In our system, we had techniques for aggressive handshakes. As ill as I was, however, I don't know how effective I would have been had I responded to what was clearly an attack on me. So environmental weaponry would probably have come into play. Kenpoists are nothing if not creative.

We're hearing a lot about rape culture these days. India has had it's fair share of criticism over how it views and then handles rape. Women are ridiculed and judged for something that is not their fault. Rape is a crime, after all. I read about a rape club in New Zealand that has been around destroying lives for the last two years or so. Why has nothing been done about these boys? Why are they being allowed to hurt girls this way?

Women are not the enemy, yet men continually see us that way. And don't even get me started on the women who fail other women. Traitors to the sisterhood, they are. We have a portion of Congress as well as GOP Governors who have begun a national war on women by the policies they introduce that oppress us and circumvent our constitutional rights. We have police who think nothing of doing roadside cavity searches for nonexistent drugs. We have police who arrest women for DUII and then film them as they're strip searched, doing God knows what with the video. And of course there's that stupid teacher who received a 30 day sentence for raping a 14 old student who subsequently committed suicide prior to his sentencing. The judge in the case should be removed from the bench and prosecuted for stupidity alone.
 
Lay back and enjoy it? Really? Do these idiots really think we're that stupid? We see what's going on in the world and how it affects us and our children. We see the lack of compassion and the downright bullying that's going on. Whether it's countries who gas their people, or it's our Tea Party controlled Congress who is doing all kinds of nefarious things to us, we know who you are. Because isn't the Tea Party essentially saying the same thing to all of us..lay back and enjoy it as they give the middle finger to us all? The incident in the restaurant parking lot in Texas the other day demonstrates this. Four women in a restaurant talking about ways to stop gun violence, versus forty men, so secure in their manhood, with guns. The world has gone insane.

How we regard people matters. It really begins and ends there. If we see others as holy and as brothers, we can't help but treat them well. Crimes like rape and other forms of assault would be anathema. We just couldn't bring ourselves to do it, let alone think about doing it. Rape culture is part of a broader mindset that is destructive and serves no one. A little compassion would be nice because #WomenNeverForget and we're #1BillionRising. Might want to think about that..



India’s Top Police Official: ‘If You Can’t Prevent Rape, You Enjoy It’ 

Who do they think they are?

When did we start fearing the police? Okay, I know that's a naive question as any person of color can and will tell you. I mean, there's always been a certain amount of fear because of who they are and not all law enforcement personnel do the right thing - stop and frisk being one such example. But something is happening these days that's different. Women, for example, are being abused by the very people who are paid to protect and serve them. I saw a video of a Chicago woman arrested for DUII, blood around her on the floor in what appeared to be a jail cell. Apparently the mental giant (or police officer if you prefer) threw her against a concrete bench in the cell. All she wanted to do was call her children. Nice guy.

Then there was the story about the women who were abused by Texas law enforcement by forcing them to have a road-side cavity search because the smell of cannabis was detected that didn't actually exist. The trainee who did the search was a woman no less. Surely her training taught her that this isn't right, even if the fact that she's a woman did not.  Nevertheless, these women were abused and are now suing.

Women in Washington state apparently have to fear law enforcement there as well. I read that around two dozen women, when arrested for DUII, were forced to strip completely at the jail, while law enforcement personnel apparently filmed them. What are they doing with these videos?

Every day it seems that there's another report about law enforcement doing something we're not paying them to do. Who trains these people? The lawsuits must be getting expensive and you know they're only going to continue.

The militarization of law enforcement if particularly telling. Whether it's the DEA or local SWAT teams, it's not uncommon these days to have raids occur where people die and it's not even the correct location in the first place. The Feds don't help when they don't respect medical cannabis laws in states where this is legal. Neither does local law enforcement when they do the same.

Can we please go back to a time where things made sense? Where we could trust and rely on the police to protect us? And as far as that goes, it would be nice if our government would stay out of our lady parts as well. The whole thing is creepy.

And as for the military..who do you think you are? You honestly think you can investigate sexual assault among your own ranks? You've proven time and time again that you can't. It's time for you to step back and hang your collective heads in shame, particularly in view of the guys who have been reinstated after their convictions have been overturned by a higher ranking officer. I'd like a minute in a room alone with one of those so-called "higher ranking officers" to fully explain the error he made. I'm sure many women would like to do the same. My God..you're supposed to be defending us..not abusing us. And it's not only women who are assaulted. It's happening to men as well.

Something is very wrong here.. Things seem so backwards. We watched in horror at the beginning of this month when the Tea Party shut down the government all because they don't like the Affordable Care Act. They also don't understand the concept of the debt ceiling. Apparently it's okay to destroy the country's credit rating because the guy in the White House isn't the right color. Racism, along with other "isms", has stacked the deck against the American people and if we don't figure out what's going on and stop it, no telling what will happen to us. We must find our way back to each other and elevate our country to the lofty place it belongs. It's appropriate to care about each other. It's what we're supposed to do. The Ted Cruz's of this world have it wrong. We're better than this.

That stupid Koch brothers' Obamacare ad..

So just when I think the Koch brothers couldn't go any lower, they do with this ridiculous ad that suggests that Obamacare is like being sexually assaulted by your government. I'd love a couple of minutes with these two pathetic excuses for human beings, let alone men, to tell them what I think of them. But there's no point. They're old now. If they can't understand why this was offensive and cruel, then they're idiots to begin with. Talking to them will solve nothing and will change nothing. 

But I'm going to say it anyway. No. Obamacare is not like being sexually assaulted by your government. I'm a sexual assault survivor and I should know. Trust me. Those of us who are, know the difference. To even suggest this is beyond over the top. They have gone too far here. Too far.

Did they think it was funny? Because it's not. It's creepy and sick. Like they are. To try to scare college aged women from buying insurance that can help them stay well is shameful. They should be embarrassed. But they're not. They're liars. Where are the parents? Are letters pouring in to the Koch brothers' offices? Are parents protesting outside their homes? How dare they intrude in our children's lives this way, presenting lies in a way that only confuses the issue.

I know what it's like to be sick while attending college. I spent a year and a half being so ill that I probably shouldn't have even been there. I had very little money to live on and I couldn't take proper care of myself. My parents didn't care what I was going through. I remember when I wanted to take a summer off and just work instead of doing both and my mother imploded. So they didn't help me at all, but what I did have was their health insurance. Without that, no telling what would have happened to me. It was court ordered due to my parents' divorce. Otherwise, I would have had nothing. 

I watched that ad in disbelief. When it became apparent that this was rape oriented, I became so nauseous that I nearly threw up. Here's the thing. No matter how we're assaulted, the experience stays with us forever. In my case, I'm an incest survivor. All I could see while watching that commercial was my perpetrator's face. If that's what I saw, can you imagine how other survivors reacted? Can you imagine the terror? I can. Because I felt it. And I haven't been calm since.

There is something seriously wrong with the people who made this ad. It never should have been allowed to be shown. What they're doing to innocent survivors is horrific. We've been through enough. We don't need to see stuff like this. I don't care who doesn't like the Affordable Care Act. I would have preferred single-payer. Can you imagine the ads they would have run if that had happened?

These scumbags used rape to sell a lie. And if people believe that lie, they will suffer for it. And why this isn't a criminal act is beyond me. So sorry you can't handle a black guy as our president. He's more intelligent than you; he's more savvy; he's more compassionate. Most importantly, he's a father. He actually understands what it means to BE a father. Get over it. He won twice. He's all the things you aren't and never will be. And if we're lucky, we'll keep moving in this inclusive direction and the bad guys will never be in power again. 

Because that's what all of this is. All this upheaval. The war on women, on cannabis, on children, on seniors, on the poor, add any name you want..it's all about the last vestiges of what is passing for conservatism these days. It's all about lying for the purposes of regaining control. They're evidently not satisfied with the drama they've created, they want more. Well, we're tired of it. A week from now, we'll find out if the idiots are going to cause the government to shut down. And if it does shut down, what then? Will we point our fingers at the appropriate people? Or will we enable it for the next time?

Judge Baugh MUST resign.

I listened to Melissa Harris-Perry as she read her letter to G.Todd Baugh, the judge in Montana who stupidly blamed the 14 year old child for her teacher raping her. Although he subsequently apologized for his misogynistic statements, his apology appears to be falling on deaf ears. Instead of sentencing the rapist to a minimum of two years as the law provided, the rapist was ultimately given 30 days. Judge Baugh said that the teenager was "older than her chronological age" as justification when he sentenced her rapist to 15 years, and then suspended that to 30 days. Before she was 18, the child victim committed suicide.

As both an incest survivor and a mother, this makes me insane. Montana law states that anyone under the age of 16 cannot consent to sex with an adult. She was 14, for God's sake. How could she consent? She can't. And while the judge believes he should be, in his words, "chastised", he refuses to resign from the bench. 

Judge Baugh's resignation should be the least of what happens to him. This girl committed suicide in 2010, after which the prosecutors said they would drop the charges if the rapist entered a treatment program. Treatment program. Right. Like that's going to help. Rehab has become the way criminals avoid incarceration. Go to rehab, avoid jail. What rehab exists for this child, or her family? What exists to help them avoid the pain and the permanent incarceration of their souls? The system failed them. The judge failed them. And an innocent child is dead.

We don't think right about sexual abuse and its consequences. The fact that the child committed suicide as a result of her abuse should have resulted in more jail time for her rapist, not less. Had she not taken her own life, her emotional and psychological future would still have been in jeopardy. 

Any child who experiences sexual abuse has a difficult time in adulthood, no matter if she is believed or not, or has had therapy or not. It's the same thing as the PTSD our soldiers suffer from. I didn't go into therapy until I was 39 years old, after my mother died. I only told my husband and my boys a few years before that. Sexual assault destroys you. To live with that kind of fear, particularly when it's a parent responsible for the abuse, is beyond terrifying. I only began breathing easier on July 2nd of this year, when my father died. I'll be 56 in October and what he did to me has governed everything about me.

I have spent most of my life trying to survive in the midst of abuse reactions. First of all, I fear everything and everyone. I don't let on to anyone that I feel this way, but I do. Doesn't matter if anyone is doing anything wrong, there's still this underlying terror that sits inside me. And yes, it gets in the way. All the time.

I don't like it when anyone impedes me from doing something. Simple things, like my husband putting his arms around me while I'm doing the dishes for example can completely freak me out. Now that he knows what's going on, he tries not to do that anymore. Other survivors report the same thing. Never come up behind a survivor and prevent her escape. Most people never understand they're doing that because it's not their intention. But if you're standing between me and a way out, I become terrified. I can know with complete certainty that you're not doing anything to hurt me. It doesn't matter. I'm still terrified. But you won't know that.

Motherhood is interesting when you're a survivor. I tend to people-please and I never want to be in a position of not believing someone who is telling the truth. Enter my boys. Gifted and articulate, they could plead their cases with aplomb. So who to believe. Sometimes I would send both to their rooms, and then apologize for doing so. Fortunately, they didn't manipulate me during these times. They knew I was struggling. 

There were times I couldn't answer the telephone when it was ringing (before caller ID), because I was terrified it would be my father. I would stand in front of the telephone, shaking, tears streaming down my face. Then one of the boys would approach me and ask if I wanted him to answer the phone. Sometimes I would let them, and sometimes I wouldn't. After all, I'm their mother. It's my job to protect them. It's not their job to protect me.

I finally told my father what I experience when I hear his voice. He called the business we owned at the time and although I was in a panic attack, I knew I had to speak to him.  I took the phone from my husband and told my father just what I was feeling at that moment. I told him that whenever I hear his voice, I can't speak, I can't breathe, I feel like I'm going to die. I told him then that he cannot call me anymore. But that didn't stop him and his umpteenth wife from doing it again. That time, my husband spoke to my father's wife on the phone, and told her in no uncertain terms that he would not allow them to see me. That was several years ago. 

Now that my abuser is dead, I'm safe.  He had an arsenal and never let any of us forget that fact. But I can talk about it now without worrying what he will do to me. Cannabis helps with my PTSD issues and I'm glad Oregon is allowing that as a qualifying condition now. Survivors need access to something that's safe and effective when coping gets dicey. Believe me, our veterans are thrilled at this new policy change as well. They need it as much as we do.

Survivors just try to survive. That's what we do. It all may seem odd to someone who hasn't experienced this. People may think that since it's not happening anymore, we should just let it go. As if we could. When the judicial system in all its forms doesn't support us, then our last line of defense is gone. Judge Baugh can engage in all the revisionist history he wants. He can't un-ring that destructive bell. He can't bring back that child. He must atone. He must resign and take his good ol' boy attitude with him.

Here is Melissa's letter to the judge. And this is an article I read in Huffington Post.

UPDATE: This is a link to a Think Progress article talking about Judge Baugh reconsidering the 30 day sentence. "Judge Who Sentenced 14-Year-Old’s Rapist To 30 Days In Prison Decides This Sentence Was Illegal"

UPDATE:  The predator is apparently going to be released today.. Just great.

Really, Senator McCain?

So I just read an article from Think Progress (link to great article about an idiot) about a letter John McCain wrote in response to a situation involving sexual harassment and rape at a college in Montana. He is apparently siding with an organization called The Foundation for Individual Rights in Education that apparently believes that DOJ overstepped and may be in violation of the First Amendment when they along with the university came up with some guidelines to help with the problem. Oh good Lord. So they get to harass and assault us in an effort to preserve their First Amendment rights? And a long-serving Senator is on board with this?

Since when does someone's right to free speech come before my right to be safe and respected? All the agreement that was made between the university and DOJ did was try to make sure that anyone who felt harassed was given an opportunity to say so. It doesn't mean that they're right in their complaint. It just means that there is a means by which students can report situations that they're uncomfortable with. It doesn't mean that anyone is going to jail, or getting expelled from college.

The need to report, speak up, or confront, and then be taken seriously, is so essential for anyone who has experienced these things. I know, because I have experienced all of these things. It's awful. I just love it when I speak up, and the guy gets even more intense and disgusting. They never seem to understand that they're in the wrong, and that they've overstepped into sexual harassment. And it always seems to be the guys who you'd never expect it from. So anything to help students who experience harassment or worse is worth it.

You know, I'm so sorry that men out there cannot seem to understand that this crap is rampant and women are so tired of it. We just want to go about our lives feeling that we can do that without being bothered by men who apparently believe they're God's gift or something. Because guess what..you're not.

There's a link in the article to the questionable Senator's letter. I have this thing where I hear the voice of the writer or of a character in a novel (like Morgan Freeman will ALWAYS be Alex Cross - I'm so sorry Tyler Perry) and I can't stand the Senator's voice, so I'm not going to go through it line by line. Besides, I'm sure by then my head will have exploded and I still have yard work to do ;-)