I have two sons..who I will refer to as the older one (O) and the younger one (Y), only because they'd be mortified if I named them. They're awesome and they think their mother is too chatty. They're both empaths, like me, but I've chosen to let them figure that out for themselves. I read and re-read a book by Polly Berrien Berrends entitled, Whole Child, Whole Parent, when the boys were young that resonated so much with how I viewed parenting and our relationship with those two amazing boys. She defines children as "seeing beings". Well, of course they are! In her view, destroying a sandcastle was just as important as building it because learning takes place either way. She stressed not making value judgments, praising or correcting what they did versus who they are, so no "bad boy" or other comments that were judgmental. I don't know if the author understood that her philosophy applied so well to raising empath kids, but it does and I recommend it highly to any parent, empath or not.
Remaining non-judgmental is important when raising empath kids. Also known as highly sensitive people, judgment is really upsetting to them. It can devastate a child like this, so words matter. Because they can, in varying degrees, experience a general sense of "knowing" about people and situations, they are particularly adept at knowing, for example, when a parent is not entirely honest with them. Because they intuitively understand the oneness we all share, to judge them upsets their very foundation where they need to feel safe.
Both O and Y experience the entire picture of a person or situation, in the same way I do. Not much escapes their awareness or their perception. They both pick up on subtleties that most don't see. They understand what others feel and have a sense of compassion and respect toward others. Both work in different areas of the technology field, O with a dual Math and Computer Science degree, and Y with an Computer Engineering degree. Their ability to see the whole picture allows them to excel in their respective positions.
O and Y are both natural martial artists. They trained at our school and O was the coolest teacher. I didn't have my Black Belt when we opened the school, so my husband was the only Instructor at that time, but sometimes O would help other students during class. He was so sweet and so positive that everyone learned from him. It took a while until I surpassed him in rank, and learning from him was precious. He began training with his dad at another school when he was four, so he knew the subject matter well. There was no attitude, just love of the art between students.
Empath kids intrinsically understand energy flow. Both were able to engage their chi without thinking about it. One time, Y was pestering O in the backyard and O finally got tired of it and executed the most perfect rear thrust kick I've ever seen, sending his younger brother flying backwards, through the air..oh it must have been at least 6 feet or better. As a Black Belt, my immediate reaction was, nice kick! But then the mother in me showed up and I had to dole out the punishment. Both were sent to their rooms for some thinking time..O for using his Kenpo instead of his words to problem solve, and Y for being a general pest. But my goodness..what a kick! It was perfection in motion! And yes, I told him that later..
Now Y, on the other hand, understood energy flow so well that when he sparred with adults, he wouldn't even look at them. He'd look in the mirrors that surrounded the training floor and win every match, every time. He was probably eight at the time, so this was particularly disturbing to the adult male students, especially when he'd be grinning from ear to ear while mopping up the floor with them. Eventually, we had to have "the talk" and he toned it down a bit.
When O was 12 and Y was 10, they came home to finish their education until it was time for college. For this mom, having the opportunity, no.. privilege, to help facilitate their education was such an honor. I watched them take their education into their own hands and run with it. Kids are natural learners and these two had the freedom to do just that. Both wrote on a college level and had been doing so while attending public school, but until I became used to their word choice, it was nerve wracking worrying that it was their own words and not copied from research material. I never should have questioned that because they wrote the way they spoke. Plus, the worst part was that I offended them in the process, and that was unacceptable. They both also took to computers like ducks to water. O woke us up during the 3:00 hour so many times to show us the new star field simulator he just made that to this day I can't sleep through that hour. Or it's the spirit activity in the house, but I digress. In any event, we always got up to see what he created. One day, one of the boys hit the dog in the eye with a ball, prompting a phone call while I was at the grocery store asking where all the books on the eye were. They also had a fascinating conversation with our vet on the telephone to share..all before I could get home. Empath kids have a drive about them..a drive to know everything and they're never satisfied until they do.
Y has an innate mechanical ability. He rebuilt his carburetor on his motorcycle when he was young, without help or instruction. He simply knew what to do. He also replaced the brake pads on one of our cars without instruction. Again, he just knew what to do. We stood a fair distance away from him, and I whispered to my husband that maybe he should go out there and check on him. My husband looked in horror at me, saying. oh no..I'm not going out there. Later when he was finished..he came in and looked at both of us, shaking his head. I looked at him defensively saying, but it's brake pads..it needs to be right. He took it personally and I got a few more looks. My husband, the smart one, knew better to even suggest that Y might not know what he was doing. The three of them built a shop as a project while they homeschooled. My husband asked Y to estimate how many sheets of plywood would be needed for the roof. Y looked up briefly and said, eight. Then his father decided to figure it out on paper. That never happened again. Y never really says anything..he just looks at you. Words aren't necessary. Besides, you don't want to debate this boy..ever. Saying he has his ducks in a row doesn't even begin to describe how prepared he is. His look says, but you know me..why are you questioning? And it's not arrogance at all. It's reality.
So much of the conversation between empaths is nonverbal in nature. We feel into each other whether we know we're doing that or not. That's where truth lies so we do it without even thinking. It's natural. Raising kids with empathic ability involves finesse. You don't name-call, you don't disrespect them, instead allowing space for their voice to emerge. I was always told to be seen and not heard when I was growing up. Those two would never experience that. Instead, they had a voice in their lives. It was, after all, their lives. They weren't our possessions..they were divine souls left in our care for a little while. We made the final decisions if necessary, but their input was always welcomed and encouraged. And when they left for college, we didn't "break the dinner plate" as some parents do and continued to help and support them during this next phase of their lives.
Mother's Day is fast approaching. Our 35th wedding anniversary is Monday. To parent these two was the most amazing thing ever. To see the men they've become makes this mom so proud. The women they've chosen to spend their lives are strong, independent, intelligent women. We couldn't ask for better partners for our sons. And if we're blessed with grandchildren, I know they'll be empaths. The vibrational frequency of the earth is rising. Children born these days are destined to bring enlightenment to this earth. Better days are ahead. Balance will return.
Blessed Be! ✵☽✺☾✵
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