The Blessings of Empath Children..

I have two sons..who I will refer to as the older one (O) and the younger one (Y), only because they'd be mortified if I named them. They're awesome and they think their mother is too chatty. They're both empaths, like me, but I've chosen to let them figure that out for themselves. I read and re-read a book by Polly Berrien Berrends entitled, Whole Child, Whole Parent, when the boys were young that resonated so much with how I viewed parenting and our relationship with those two amazing boys. She defines children as "seeing beings". Well, of course they are! In her view, destroying a sandcastle was just as important as building it because learning takes place either way. She stressed not making value judgments, praising or correcting what they did versus who they are, so no "bad boy" or other comments that were judgmental. I don't know if the author understood that her philosophy applied so well to raising empath kids, but it does and I recommend it highly to any parent, empath or not.

Remaining non-judgmental is important when raising empath kids. Also known as highly sensitive people, judgment is really upsetting to them. It can devastate a child like this, so words matter. Because they can, in varying degrees, experience a general sense of "knowing" about people and situations, they are particularly adept at knowing, for example, when a parent is not entirely honest with them. Because they intuitively understand the oneness we all share, to judge them upsets their very foundation where they need to feel safe.

Both O and Y experience the entire picture of a person or situation, in the same way I do. Not much escapes their awareness or their perception. They both pick up on subtleties that most don't see. They understand what others feel and have a sense of compassion and respect toward others. Both work in different areas of the technology field, O with a dual Math and Computer Science degree, and Y with an Computer Engineering degree. Their ability to see the whole picture allows them to excel in their respective positions.

O and Y are both natural martial artists. They trained at our school and O was the coolest teacher. I didn't have my Black Belt when we opened the school, so my husband was the only Instructor at that time, but sometimes O would help other students during class. He was so sweet and so positive that everyone learned from him. It took a while until I surpassed him in rank, and learning from him was precious. He began training with his dad at another school when he was four, so he knew the subject matter well. There was no attitude, just love of the art between students. 

Empath kids intrinsically understand energy flow. Both were able to engage their chi without thinking about it. One time, Y was pestering O in the backyard and O finally got tired of it and executed the most perfect rear thrust kick I've ever seen, sending his younger brother flying backwards, through the air..oh it must have been at least 6 feet or better. As a Black Belt, my immediate reaction was, nice kick! But then the mother in me showed up and I had to dole out the punishment. Both were sent to their rooms for some thinking time..O for using his Kenpo instead of his words to problem solve, and Y for being a general pest. But my goodness..what a kick! It was perfection in motion! And yes, I told him that later..

Now Y, on the other hand, understood energy flow so well that when he sparred with adults, he wouldn't even look at them. He'd look in the mirrors that surrounded the training floor and win every match, every time. He was probably eight at the time, so this was particularly disturbing to the adult male students, especially when he'd be grinning from ear to ear while mopping up the floor with them. Eventually, we had to have "the talk" and he toned it down a bit. 

When O was 12 and Y was 10, they came home to finish their education until it was time for college. For this mom, having the opportunity, no.. privilege, to help facilitate their education was such an honor. I watched them take their education into their own hands and run with it. Kids are natural learners and these two had the freedom to do just that. Both wrote on a college level and had been doing so while attending public school, but until I became used to their word choice, it was nerve wracking worrying that it was their own words and not copied from research material. I never should have questioned that because they wrote the way they spoke. Plus, the worst part was that I offended them in the process, and that was unacceptable. They both also took to computers like ducks to water. O woke us up during the 3:00 hour so many times to show us the new star field simulator he just made that to this day I can't sleep through that hour. Or it's the spirit activity in the house, but I digress. In any event, we always got up to see what he created. One day, one of the boys hit the dog in the eye with a ball, prompting a phone call while I was at the grocery store asking where all the books on the eye were. They also had a fascinating conversation with our vet on the telephone to share..all before I could get home. Empath kids have a drive about them..a drive to know everything and they're never satisfied until they do.

Y has an innate mechanical ability. He rebuilt his carburetor on his motorcycle when he was young, without help or instruction. He simply knew what to do. He also replaced the brake pads on one of our cars without instruction. Again, he just knew what to do. We stood a fair distance away from him, and I whispered to my husband that maybe he should go out there and check on him. My husband looked in horror at me, saying. oh no..I'm not going out there. Later when he was finished..he came in and looked at both of us, shaking his head. I looked at him defensively saying, but it's brake pads..it needs to be right. He took it personally and I got a few more looks. My husband, the smart one, knew better to even suggest that Y might not know what he was doing. The three of them built a shop as a project while they homeschooled. My husband asked Y to estimate how many sheets of plywood would be needed for the roof. Y looked up briefly and said, eight. Then his father decided to figure it out on paper. That never happened again. Y never really says anything..he just looks at you. Words aren't necessary. Besides, you don't want to debate this boy..ever. Saying he has his ducks in a row doesn't even begin to describe how prepared he is. His look says, but you know me..why are you questioning? And it's not arrogance at all. It's reality.

So much of the conversation between empaths is nonverbal in nature. We feel into each other whether we know we're doing that or not. That's where truth lies so we do it without even thinking. It's natural. Raising kids with empathic ability involves finesse. You don't name-call, you don't disrespect them, instead allowing space for their voice to emerge. I was always told to be seen and not heard when I was growing up. Those two would never experience that. Instead, they had a voice in their lives. It was, after all, their lives. They weren't our possessions..they were divine souls left in our care for a little while. We made the final decisions if necessary, but their input was always welcomed and encouraged. And when they left for college, we didn't "break the dinner plate" as some parents do and continued to help and support them during this next phase of their lives.

Mother's Day is fast approaching. Our 35th wedding anniversary is Monday. To parent these two was the most amazing thing ever. To see the men they've become makes this mom so proud. The women they've chosen to spend their lives are strong, independent, intelligent women. We couldn't ask for better partners for our sons. And if we're blessed with grandchildren, I know they'll be empaths. The vibrational frequency of the earth is rising. Children born these days are destined to bring enlightenment to this earth. Better days are ahead. Balance will return.

Blessed Be! ✵☽✺☾✵

On being an empath in the new age

The end of the world is not upon us. Armageddon, the Apocalypse, it's all a metaphor for the end of an age..not the planet. We're not going to be physically taken up in any sort of Rapture. That's not what's happening. We've forgotten why we're here in the first place. We've forgotten who we actually are. We've forgotten that we are One with Source and with each other. We've forgotten that we can experience Heaven on Earth together. But none of that matters..the time is now for Oneness and no matter what roadblocks are put up, nothing is going to prevent that. 

The energy frequency of the Earth is increasing. We can no longer turn our backs on how we choose to live here. We must learn that living in harmony with and protecting our wonderful Gaia is critical. That means that collectively we have to deal with climate change, war, our ecosystem, and everything else that takes instead of gives. We don't have time for denial any longer. As the Earth's frequency increases, more and more Empaths, Indigo and Crystal children have been born to help usher in the new age where intuition and love will guide our relationships as well as our very existence. Angelic presence is felt by many who have also learned to ask for angelic guidance in their daily lives. The purpose of all of this is to help with that increase in frequency and to live in Oneness with others. 

The old paradigm is ending. It has no choice. It's nasty and hurtful and we watch as some of our lawmakers try to preserve the status quo by endless repeal attempts of our new healthcare law, voter suppression, the war on women and the middle class, and the disrespect and vitriol shown to our President. Try as they might to preserve the unworkable, we know that separation serves no one and will only lead to our destruction. But that's not going to happen. It's going to be difficult as the new age begins. It won't be comfortable. Those people who insist on separation will have an awful time because unity will ultimately prevail.Those who join in Oneness will have a better experience. So, if you've chosen separation, you might want to rethink that and be part of something amazing! Because it really is okay to care about people.

So, what on earth is an empath and how do we help bring about this inevitable change?

Empathy. We all have it to some degree. It's the ability to feel what others feel..to put ourselves in the shoes of someone else. Some of us, however, function as empaths. We feel everything. The fact is, all we are is energy...everything is, and our energetic bodies are actually more prominent than our physical bodies. We only have them as a temporary manifestation or projection so that we can experience life here in duality. Empath energy is faster than our physical energy so empaths must find a way to balance the two to stay present and to avoid illness. That increased energy flow is great when nothing interferes with it, but not everyone is comfortable being around us. We can do or say absolutely nothing, and still affect them. Somehow, they feel judged I guess, although that's not actually happening. Knowing isn't the same as judgment, but evidently it feels that way to others. It's like when you feel that someone can see right through you. Don't worry, it was just me and I'm not a threat at all. I see how you became the way you are..and all the childhood pain that brought you here. And I feel only compassion..

Although there are many similarities in empath expression, not everyone shares the same gifts or intensity. It's more of a continuum, I think. For me, it feels like my energetic or empathic body is more active and present than my physical body. And I see everything at once - the whole picture of something or someone. It may come as a simple awareness, or in great detail. Most say that they experience a general knowing about things that they have no personal knowledge of. Also, most share the gift of knowing when someone is lying. We're all clairsentient in some fashion, some more than others. Some are able to see non-corporeal entities and some aren't. Some are pre-cognitive, and some are telepathic. Or, if you're like me, a universal or implicate empath, you experience all of it in one form or another. It's weird, exhilarating, annoying, and amazing all at the same time. We're not insane, or crazy, although we might feel that way sometimes. I think we're just not completely "here". I think we're mostly "there". And that's why there are so many of us now helping to bring about a better life for all of us to experience. 

Empaths feel such a responsibility to get things right. We want to make sure people are safe and happy. We want to make sure the truth is both revealed and preserved. We're viewed as over-sensitive, over-reactive, over-you name it. Then we run around in an attempt to fix everyone's attitude toward us. It's as if we hand our feelings to others on a silver platter to do with as they will in an effort to preserve our place in their lives.

So why do we do this? We learn early on to respond in ways that mitigate whatever situation we're in. Unfortunately, truth isn't served this way, and eventually, it comes out anyhow. It also doesn't develop our empath abilities when we suppress our knowing to make our parents, teachers and friends more comfortable. But that's what we do to survive. In my case, it had the opposite effect. I seemed to become more aware which helped in negotiating my way through that family. 

I understand why some empaths choose a solitary life. It's easier than dealing with all the disparate energies around us. I'm about there, myself. Even traveling around the town where I live can be challenging. Volatility abounds out in the world and I pick up on it as I drive down the road. It's really freaky when we walk, which we do daily. Stores of any size can also be difficult, big box stores in particular. I don't always know where I begin and others leave off. And it's not always easy to center to figure it out when around volatile emotions. I was in a Costco recently and I had to cut the shopping trip short due to the frenetic energy inside. Energy was hitting me like gangbusters and I couldn't think clearly. I kept looking around to see if someone was about to attack me, but no one was even paying any attention to me. It was probably the worst experience I've ever had as an empath. The energy was so strong that I couldn't get control until after I left.

Living in the world, particularly now, requires engagement. It's critical that empaths understand how to engage in a way that not only helps others with their energy issues, but also prevents more vampiric energy from setting up house in your energy field. Most energy vampires don't realize what they're doing anyway, but some do and we really have to be vigilant with those people. They invade with intention and it's, well, icky. The others are usually just upset about something and choose empaths when needing to get something off their chest. And it doesn't seem to matter if they're complete strangers. Typically it happens to me in the check out line at the grocery store. I try to be supportive and respectful while keeping my frozen stuff frozen all at the same time. 

Many empaths grow up in abusive situations and feel as if we're born into the wrong family. Like we were switched at birth at the hospital or something. Except that we weren't. At some point, however, if we're going to be of help in this transition, we need to get a handle on what we're experiencing so that we can foster positive outcomes instead of wondering what the hell just happened.

So we have three options..we can engage, disengage, or observe. Observe, not absorb..that's the motto. That's the safest option, but it's not always realistic. It can make us seem aloof or indifferent to others, when nothing could be further from the truth. It's not uncommon for empaths to find work as healers of some type, so engagement for those folks is necessary. But are these three options mutually exclusive? I don't think so. Instead of observer, perhaps we can think of it is simply remaining non-judgmental. And maybe that's the key to the entire transition as we go forward.

Judgment involves the past and vain imaginings of the future. If we eliminate that and understand our essential Oneness, it becomes easier to maintain the higher frequency that's needed for the transition. Everyone will benefit from this. Even the people who resist. It just may take them a little longer to realize that. Eventually, even the most resistant will ultimately rest in the loving embrace of Family. And then they'll wonder what all the fuss was about. Staying in the Holy Instant, as A Course in Miracles suggests, is key, because there, we exist only in Love and extend that outward to everyone. And as we are all energy, all benefit from that loving extension.

But here's the cool part. As empaths, we don't have to fix any of the problems affecting the world unless we want to be a part of that. We only have to stay in the Holy Instant and be loving. That's it. Not everyone can be an activist for change. We simply need to keep our energy in balance and send out loving intention. Instead of reducing our energy frequency to match others, remain present, non-judgmental, and let others rise to ours. Trust me, it feels so much better to do that. I spent years engaging in other people's drama and all it got me was seriously ill, so it's far better the other way. Engagement doesn't always fix the drama, so deal with whatever you must, but stay as non-judgmental as possible in the process. Drama has only the meaning we give it. It has little power on its own. Staying firmly in the Holy Instant keeps us in the positive flow of creation. Anything less is fuel for more drama. It's better to remain part of the solution.

So, as we go forward into the new age, empaths should learn as much as possible about how they experience their time here. Less reaction, more observation, and knowing when to disengage will not only make our experience in this life less upsetting, but also make us more helpful to others. As the frequency rises, we'll have a much easier time of things and the oneness that we crave will prevail. And there's so much more support out there now for empaths. Lightworkers abound and are ready to help in any way possible. Empath forums exist to provide connection with other empaths to help as you discover more about your reality. We are living in exciting times. Let's embrace this transition together.

~ Blessed Be

The First Year in Review..

I started this blog one year ago today on the advice of my youngest son. He felt my Facebook page was too activist and I should have another, more appropriate place to express my views. I guess he didn't realize I could post everything I write here on my wall. In any event, I have to thank him because I really like my blog. I appreciate everyone who has read any of it. I named it Eternally Dazed and Confused because typically that's how I feel. I decided I would write about the things I care about..women's issues, the whole country is going down the crapper, medical cannabis, and things like that. Then came the more metaphysical stuff such as runecasting, The Course, and empath abilities. 

A year ago, I didn't know that four months later my business would end and our lives would be turned upside down. I also didn't know that ultimately, that would be a really great thing. I also would learn that I didn't have the friends I thought I had. That was far more difficult than losing the business. But it's always better to know the truth about things, and evidently their friendship was tied to our business and not to us. And that's okay. Things get confusing when your business is your life. And now that I'm happily unemployed, clarity has finally returned.

I've had time during this year to return to my study of A Course in Miracles. It's not that I stopped studying, I just didn't finish the text. So I, along with my husband, began the text again and I'm almost finished. He listened to the entire book on his IPod and is currently on his second time around. The Course is such a departure from how most people view themselves and the world around them, that it's a blessing that he has embraced it as I have. He might as well since he's been exposed to it for the last thirty years. It's nothing if not familiar.

Studying the Course has also helped me as an empath. Constant awareness of emotions surrounding me tends to leave me feeling drained. It would be nice if it were empowering, but it's not. The noise gets loud and I usually check out until it quiets down. From the Course, I realize that it's really a focus problem. I've always been too distracted by everything that goes on around me. It's sort of like going to a craft store. I have no idea where to start. Creative energy is everywhere and there's so much to look at! The only thing I can do is to start at one end and go through each aisle until I find what I came there for. Empaths are like kids in a candy store with energy. We absorb everything unless we shield ourselves from it. So over the last year, I have been learning how to shield myself more effectively. And that's been a lifesaver.

In July, my abuser died and his wife is now sending me the bills associated with his death. Although we've never met, she had decided that his ultimate victim should be responsible for everything. Nice lady. She apparently also tried to replace his name with her own on my brother's house, which he owned jointly with my brother. She also didn't tell us about a couple of related bank accounts, one of which, unbeknownst to me, I was an actual owner of, and the other we were both beneficiaries of. Unfortunately for her, however, when she alerted the bank of his death by cancelling our father's debit card, the bank contacted my brother to let him know the funds need dispersing. Having no idea what this was about, he contacted the wife and she went nuts.  Grandmaster Parker used to say something to the effect, "greed is the seed of destruction". He was right. It is. So the bills come. If they don't come directly from her, then I contact anyone I have to and explain the situation, and then threaten to sue them if they bother me again. Because after all, daughters who are molested by their fathers don't have to be responsible for the death bills. Wives are. Particularly in community property states. Which they lived in when he died. Women might want to think before marrying late in life. It's telling when daughters cut off contact with their fathers and no one will explain why.

All in all, even with the bumps in the road, the summer was awesome. I reconnected with my home, worked out in my greenhouse, did all the flood irrigation of our pasture, and I'm walking eight miles each day. Yes, eight. Four years ago, my RA had become so bad that I thought I would die. I was in what would become a year long flare. Half way through, I became a cannabis patient. January 2011 was the beginning of the end of my twelve year nightmare. I could barely walk during those years, making even going to the grocery store difficult. Excruciating pain 24/7 is exhausting, so to be able to walk eight miles a day is pretty cool. Unfortunately, Kenpo is another story. I have so much damage from the RA, that I find working out to be tricky, so that's going more slowly. The last thing I need to do is injure myself, but I've been a Black Belt for almost twenty-three years. And not being able to move like one for twelve of those years was devastating. Baby steps..

I hate platitudes, but the one about losing everything to find what you actually need is true. We all get so caught up in illusions that seem to drive our chaotic lives when we need to choose peace. We're only victims of our chaotic lives if we choose to be. We forget how much power we actually have to extend love and unity to others. Anything else doesn't deserve our attention at all..

Thanks for reading! Your comments are most welcome and so very appreciated!

Shielding: Living in the Calm

As an empath, I absorb energy around me. Until yesterday, I have never been successful at controlling that. I found a great empath communitiy  and joined. I learned a couple of visualization techniques to shield myself from all the energy I absorb. One involves a symbol that I can use to remove excess energy that I have absorbed and another that involves visualizing my cells moving apart, creating space for the energy to slip past. Empaths must constantly clear this energy or life becomes extremely uncomfortable. Trust me on this. I'm 56 now. It took me this long to find out that I can actually control what happens to me.

Until yesterday, I never knew what true calm felt like. It's an amazing feeling. I envied others who could stay calm in difficult situations. Heck, I envied others who were calm in calm situations. Because it isn't always about the situation. Sometimes it's the other person. Empaths refer to these people as energy vampires, not because we actually think of them as vampiric in nature, but that being around them seems to actually drain us of our energy. Even thinking about them can do it, whether you're with them or not. I seem to be attracted to these people because my life is filled with them. Most of the time, they have no clue what effect they have on me, so it's not intentional on their part. We've all been around people that seem to project energy outward. We call them flighty, or intense, and they seem to raise the energy level in the room. Public speakers can be great at this. No one means to hurt me, but I'm affected anyway.

Sometimes I can ride the energy and it's positive. But mostly, it's confusing being so overwhelmed when nothing outward is actually happening. And now I have some tools to deal with all of it. I use the clearing tool to "clear a path" in large stores so that I can get through the moment quickly and get out of there. I've always done that without knowing I was doing it. Apparently it's another technique empaths find helpful. I'm sure most of us do thing to deal with this without even knowing we're doing it. So finding a community of empaths who know how to do these things is such a blessing.

Empaths with an extreme outward focus, as I have always been, don't take care of themselves. Their entire live is lived in service to others, forgetting themselves entirely. Well, not entirely, and that leads to depression. We can never get out of the trap we eternally find ourselves in because we don't understand that how we feel isn't our fault. It's no one else's either unless the person is doing something intentionally. We think we're insane, although we're completely sure we're not. But when your focus is external, you believe whatever others say about you. It's a response not reflective of truth.

I'm not going to tell any empaths out there what to do, but that link to that community is at the beginning of this post.. 

Life CAN be better..I promise..

UPDATE:  At the store today, I saw my former dentist who, after committing insurance fraud against me, wrote me a scathing two page letter excoriating me for refusing to continue using him as my dentist, and I walked right past him without feeling anything. Without shielding, I could have never done that..

Resting in peace..

Rest in peace is typically something we say when someone has passed. The reality of that phrase is something else. A Course in Miracles talks about staying in the moment, the Holy Instant, not allowing the past or the future to influence with judgement how we see our brother in that instant. We indeed enter a pure space where time falls away, in oneness with our brother.

In Chapter 20, the Course talks of entering the Ark. The Ark is a safe space where we enter with our brother, remaining in the Holy Instant, outside of time. There is no judgement there. It is a place where "Nothing real can be threatened. Nothing real exists. Herein lies the peace of God." ACIM

The Course teaches that we are essentially spirit having a human experience here. As long as we don't forget this (we usually forget this) then we're here, resting in peace all over the place, happy and loving to everyone. We embrace the truth that we are part of a collective consciousness, where each spirit is as essential to the whole as all the others. 

Our confusion happens when we see the world around us as real, when it is an illusion of our ego's making. We allow judgement to enter every situation, bringing the past into the present, thus controlling the future. Unfortunately, it's a dark place where the light that never leaves us is kept at bay. Or at least we think that's what we're doing. After all, we're confused here.

When we realize that everything here is error, we can forgive our brother and in doing so extend that gift to ourselves. The reality is, what one experiences, so does the rest. As spirit, we're connected to each other that way in spirit. The body is an illusion of our making and has no real meaning. We can use it for love, or we can use it for hate. It's a choice, except even that is an illusion..and only of the ego. In truth, we could no more hurt our brother in spirit because spirit doesn't not see error. When we turn away from error and remember we are actually spirit, the distinction becomes clear.

The awareness of our reality as spirit is actually a remembrance that some of us never lose when we are born into this existence. As an empath, I have never fully attached to my body which helped considerably when experiencing sexual abuse as a child. I was able to separate from my body and remain unaffected by what was happening. Surreal, I know.. And from my course work toward my degree in psychology, I'm fairly certain that I would have been locked up in a psych ward had I shared any of that with anyone back then. Because although my soul remained unaffected, my ego was destroyed. Without support it's difficult as a child to discern the difference. And I had no such support, so I was on my own to process all the crazy making behavior my family heaped upon me.

When I found the Course, it put words to what I had always known, making my empath reality understandable as well. I absorb energy if I don't protect myself. If I don't stay in the present in the moment, then I can take on all sorts of energy that is hurtful to me. Staying present is harder to do than it sounds. I feel a physical pull to chaotic energy. It's the ego's play time and if I'm not careful, I can lose focus on what's real and become the other person in a sense. Empaths are distracted by chaotic energy the way a small child is distracted in a toy store. We engage. Monumentally so, at times. I can even become physically ill as well. What helps me is to remember that when I feel that energy pulling from me, I'm actually leaving the safety of the present and using the past to judge whatever I'm experiencing at the time, creating a new present that is based in illusion. In other words, it's not real, and as we know..nothing real exists.

I learned from the Course that I don't have to participate in everything that's going on around me because none of it is real anyway. If it's not of the Source, then it's not real. It frees me to not see error in my husband, my kids, my friends, or my neighbors (even the guy with the gun, see August 14 post). I can release my abuser from that judgement. None of it was about me anyway. I can be mindful of energy and how it affects me without diving in head first, understanding that I give all of it the meaning it has for me. I can choose to see the holiness that is, ignoring the ego's attempts at diversion. That keeps me present. That keeps me in spirit..and resting in peace..

In Oneness 

~ Jan