On the day before Mother's Day..

I'm always uncomfortable around this time of the year. My mother used to say Mother's Day was "just another day". I would cringe because I knew it was more about her behavior as my mother than mine as her daughter. I always bought her a present and tried to make her happy. Unfortunately, I was trying to connect with someone who found nurturing challenging. Even when my parents divorced, she wasn't happy on that day. She died in 1996. Her birthday was two days ago. Had she lived, she would have turned 84. 

When the boys were young, we made a  big deal out of Mother's Day and Father's Day. Their Dad would take them to the store and buy flowers to plant on Mother's Day and we'd have a nice lunch or dinner. Father's Day was typically a barbeque or something. We never had the money to go anywhere, so we celebrated at home. Just being together as a family seemed enough. Our birth families were so dysfunctional that I suppose we tried to create a family of our own...without any of the drama we both grew up with.

But then college happened and everything changed. And now I find myself, the day before Mother's Day, hearing my mother's voice echoing in my heart. It's just another day. Because that's what it feels like. A mountain range separates us now, but the road goes both ways. The effort should as well.

The last year has been one of total transition for us. We received an eviction notice from our landlord at the commercial space we were renting after complaining to the city that the guy in back was poisoning us with styrene fumes (which is against city code as well as against all decency). After almost 14 years in business, we had to close because we couldn't financially survive the move. Our business was seasonal and we typically had to make 5 months of income last for 12 and we were coming out of winter on the previous year's money, so there was no time to move and bank what we needed for the following winter. Signing a year lease with someone didn't seem responsible, so we reluctantly closed our business and retired..about five years sooner than we intended to. By the time Mother's Day arrived, we were completely out of there and back home. We didn't celebrate that day..the loss was just too staggering.

Although we've certainly accepted what's happened, and are actually much happier than we were while in that business, it's definitely been a transition for us. It would have been nice to have our boys close by, but it is what it is. Kids grow up and move away. They're both busy in their lives and both have new jobs which is very cool, and we couldn't be more proud of them. And the last thing they need to worry about is their parents. But then Mother's Day arrives, followed by Father's Day and when we don't see them, feelings of loss abound. 

Here's the thing that kids need to know when they become adults. Your parents still need you in their lives. Yes, it's different when you're an adult. It's not like you end your relationship with your parents when you become adults. You begin a new one. One of reciprocity. And then, when we become old and decrepit, it becomes more one-sided again..with you guys in the driver's seat. It's the circle of life. It's how it's supposed to work.

For women, life is one continuing transition, from childhood through adulthood. In Wicca, it's represented by the Triple Goddess, or Maiden, Mother and Crone. It's a confusing process, for sure. We're conflicted as to our roles and how they play out. Society doesn't help by trying to oppress and judge us at every turn. When we reach our Crone years, as I have, we see more clearly the circle of life played out in front of us. We have become wise women. How can we not be after living through all that we have? We know that family is the nucleus of everything, and connection is vital. 

In truth, Mother's Day should celebrate the nurturer in us all, and offer an opportunity to extend love and gratitude to everyone in our lives. That's our purpose here, particularly now as the old era is giving way to the new. The Divine Feminine exists in everyone. Compassion will replace oppression as we go forward together in oneness. Celebrating Mother's Day as well as Father's Day next month is another way to express to those who nurture us along in life that we love and appreciate them. And what's better than that?

~Blessed Be

Underestimate Women at your Peril

SCOTUS has decided to weigh in on the employer/birth control part of the Affordable Care Act. That's all women need. Although the court ruled the ACA constitutional, this part is troubling. 

When did an employer have the right to decide what medicine I can have? In all the years I worked for other people, and was lucky enough to have health insurance there, the only issue I faced was, did I have chiropractic, dental and vision. Sometimes I had to get pre-approval for procedures, but never did the subject of birth control come up. So either this was done behind the scenes, or it didn't happen. So why now?

I can only surmise that this has to do with the Tea Partyesque attitudes that seem to have brought our government to a virtual standstill. This need to control women is both diabolical and pathetic. 

Men have no right to control anything about women. At some point, this will be made clear to everyone, because we're not taking it anymore. The battle lines have been drawn. And we're more effective than you can imagine. So step back or prepare for battle, because here's some things we're tired of:

• our children dying at the hands of nut jobs with guns. 
• our state and federal governments oppressing our vote, our income levels, and our constitutional rights. 
• going to prison for defending ourselves from crimes committed against us. 
• our children going hungry because 3/4 of us work at minimum wage jobs and the Tea Party wants to take food stamps away from the most vulnerable among us.
• making less than our male counterparts doing the same job. 
• the government viewing poor people as drains on our society, while politicians lay prostrate at the feet of the rich who fill their election coffers.
• undocumented families living in the shadows, willing to incur employer abuse so that they can live here. It's slavery and it's illegal.
• our veterans not mattering..oh they matter when you need them to protect us, but then you leave them, and their families, by the wayside when they come back home.

I could go on, but you get the point. Here's the thing. Time is running out for misogynists. Women are stronger than you. Together, we can do anything, including putting you where you belong. 

Underestimate us at your peril.

But Now is the Time We Need a Mom-in-Chief the Most..

Michelle Cottle wrote an article in Politico in which she said that Michelle Obama is a feminist's nightmare or something to that effect. Apparently, she expects more of our First Lady than being Mom-in-Chief. As if that's not enough. After all, she's Harvard-educated. She should be championing feminist issues.

She is.

Feminism is one of the most over-defined words that only puts pressure on women to be "something else". Who they are doesn't matter as long as they live up to some bizarre expectation or standard. And how is that different from living in a patriarchal society, where men decide everything for us? Why would we put that same pressure on other women? 

We need a Mom-in-Chief. We need a First Lady who showers everyone with hugs and positive energy. Our children are being murdered at schools, malls, neighborhoods, and homes. We need a Mom-in-Chief to hold us and cry with us. We know she understands our sorrow and grief. We feel her love and devotion as we stand here, in shock over the vitriolic discussion about gun control. How could this even be an issue? Of course we need gun control. But mostly, we just need to remember our purpose here. Because you see, it really is about the children. We give birth to them and then create a life that sustains them. But as we all see, that doesn't always happen. 

Dreamers need a Mom-in-Chief. She knows that family is everything and its preservation key to our survival. She understands the value of education and that it elevates our society. She, along with our Second Lady, supports veterans and their families, speaking out on the issues they face on a daily basis. She and students planted a garden at the White House, using it as a teachable moment. Can you imagine if everyone had even a small garden? What a wonderful skill to teach your children. But instead of everyone seeing value in the garden, the more small-minded of us saw this as a means of socialist control of people. Yes, they went there. And oh my goodness, the uproar over her focus on exercise was deafening. And yet, I walk eight miles a day. 

Michelle Obama understands that family is a microcosm of the rest of society. Elevate the family with such things as education, equal pay, marriage equality and we elevate society as a whole. This isn't a socialist concept. This the human condition. It's not an attack on our freedom. It's a suggestion for another, more healthy way to live. It's about balance...something that's lacking in this country.

I really take issue with women who try to define feminism for other women. Women make choices and should be supported, not derided, for those choices. I am a college graduate, but I chose to stay home with my boys for the first seven years. After that, I had various jobs, but none in my field. For that, I would have had to attend graduate school and that wasn't an option then. Instead, I focused on raising my children. Does that make me less of a feminist than someone who has a high-powered job somewhere? I don't think so. I made my choices. Isn't that partly what feminism is about? Not letting others define those choices for us? Why then would other women judge us so harshly for those choices? I'll leave that to Ms. Cottle to figure that one out.

I've owned two businesses, one a martial arts studio and the other an independent motorcycle shop. I faced misogyny in both. As a black belt, I was far more skilled than my students, but oftentimes it seemed as if my male students only respected me when they couldn't remember something. Then, I was important. Otherwise, not so much. They couldn't understand that their behavior affected their advancement and I had a vote in that. 

In the motorcycle shop, it was just us. No employees. So I had to learn all about Harleys in an instant. I became well-versed in how they worked, and what parts went on them. I estimated accident jobs, and put together bids for engine and performance work. Much to the chagrin of many of my male customers, I also did their fuel injection tuning. Yes, I made their bikes haul ass. Their conflict over it was hilarious. So I understand the whole guy thing. I owned two businesses that catered to the male ego..well the dojo was there to combat it, but still, that's what I dealt with.

The point of this is that it's not easy to be a woman in today's world. We make up the majority of the minimum wage workers in this country. And now we have to revisit reproductive rights issues that should have been put to rest long ago. The war on women is bad enough with women piling on as well.

So thank you to our wonderful First Lady for being there for us..setting that standard..showing everyone compassion and love. Ms. Cottle would do well to observe and then emulate.

How About a Solution that Preserves Humanity This Time..

Evidently someone somewhere decided that there were some things that we as a people just wouldn't tolerate. Using chemical weapons on people is one of those things - that it's a bridge too far. But here's my problem with designating one weapon as intolerable and another not so much. They all kill. They all destroy. As a mother, if my child dies due to violence of some kind, I really don't want to debate whether or not we're going to get outraged over it because of what weapon was used. The only thing that matters at that point is that my child is dead.

I mean, I get why some folks in this country make that distinction. After all, in this country the average person can own an assault weapon normally reserved for the military or law enforcement thanks to our insane Congress and the Bush Administration. When the Assault Weapons Ban was ended, the free for all began and now the notion of gun control is anathema to many. I guess it's just way too cool to own really big guns. Just do a search on You Tube and you'll see all kinds of videos of folks enjoying their machine guns. And before everyone gets all crazy, I learned to shoot when I was a child, and I own guns. But although I've either owned guns or been around them all of my life, I just don't see the need to own anything automatic or semi-automatic. And I have no problem with the existence of our 2nd amendment. I think some people are confused about its interpretation, but that's okay. It's part of what makes living in this country interesting. We don't always agree. And we used to have spirited debate. Now we have name calling.

This civil war in Syria has been going on for a while now. I've heard that 100,000 people have died as a result. And now approximately 1400 people have died because of chemical weapons, over 400 of which were children. And everyone became outraged. As they should. But where was the outrage as 100,000 were killed? Why didn't the world stand up and intervene during all this time? Apparently two million Syrians are now refugees in neighboring countries. The humanitarian crisis this creates is devastating. I read that over half of the refugees are children. Where is our outrage for that?

I'm also tired of the whole "we can't be the world's policeman" meme. Sometimes we have to be the adult in the room. And sometimes that adult is a policeman. Deal with it. Having this so-called democracy has taught us a thing or two. And even though we probably shouldn't force democracy down other countries' throats, they really would do well to become one. It's not perfect, as we see on a daily basis, but it's better than what's happening in Syria. 

And then there's the whole "we're guilty of the same thing" meme. Yes. We've been idiots too. That shouldn't stop us from trying to help people. Maybe we atone by doing the right thing.

But here's the thing. Surely there's something else to do here besides bombing the crap out of them. We already know too well how that tends to work out. You know...that whole human shield thing and all. Plus, doesn't that count as an act of war? We can call it a surgical strike, or a limited engagement, and get all freaked out at the thought of boots on the ground, but we all know what's going to happen here. Of course there will be boots on the ground. And it's not about regime change. Really? Of course we want regime change. You can't leave the idiot in power to do the same thing again. Because we all know that he will. 

And how will we pay for it? The sequester is already making life difficult for the most vulnerable and the not so vulnerable. But we can go to war again? How? How can the government say to the American people that they have to wait a while longer for things to get better here? We all agree that chemical weapons are a bad thing that deserves a response. But so did everything else this idiot has done. And that's the point. We either value life or we don't. We can't decide that as long as mass deaths are caused by certain weapons, then we don't need to do anything. Not if we value life. Ideally, we should all rise up when injustice happens. But we don't. We look the other way all the time. It's not, as Congressman Grayson says, our problem.

Well, I disagree with the good Congressman. This is humanity's problem. And last time I looked, we're part of said humanity. However, it would be nice if, for once, we could come up with a response that doesn't involve killing more people. Because I think its preservation is far better than its destruction.