The First Year in Review..

I started this blog one year ago today on the advice of my youngest son. He felt my Facebook page was too activist and I should have another, more appropriate place to express my views. I guess he didn't realize I could post everything I write here on my wall. In any event, I have to thank him because I really like my blog. I appreciate everyone who has read any of it. I named it Eternally Dazed and Confused because typically that's how I feel. I decided I would write about the things I care about..women's issues, the whole country is going down the crapper, medical cannabis, and things like that. Then came the more metaphysical stuff such as runecasting, The Course, and empath abilities. 

A year ago, I didn't know that four months later my business would end and our lives would be turned upside down. I also didn't know that ultimately, that would be a really great thing. I also would learn that I didn't have the friends I thought I had. That was far more difficult than losing the business. But it's always better to know the truth about things, and evidently their friendship was tied to our business and not to us. And that's okay. Things get confusing when your business is your life. And now that I'm happily unemployed, clarity has finally returned.

I've had time during this year to return to my study of A Course in Miracles. It's not that I stopped studying, I just didn't finish the text. So I, along with my husband, began the text again and I'm almost finished. He listened to the entire book on his IPod and is currently on his second time around. The Course is such a departure from how most people view themselves and the world around them, that it's a blessing that he has embraced it as I have. He might as well since he's been exposed to it for the last thirty years. It's nothing if not familiar.

Studying the Course has also helped me as an empath. Constant awareness of emotions surrounding me tends to leave me feeling drained. It would be nice if it were empowering, but it's not. The noise gets loud and I usually check out until it quiets down. From the Course, I realize that it's really a focus problem. I've always been too distracted by everything that goes on around me. It's sort of like going to a craft store. I have no idea where to start. Creative energy is everywhere and there's so much to look at! The only thing I can do is to start at one end and go through each aisle until I find what I came there for. Empaths are like kids in a candy store with energy. We absorb everything unless we shield ourselves from it. So over the last year, I have been learning how to shield myself more effectively. And that's been a lifesaver.

In July, my abuser died and his wife is now sending me the bills associated with his death. Although we've never met, she had decided that his ultimate victim should be responsible for everything. Nice lady. She apparently also tried to replace his name with her own on my brother's house, which he owned jointly with my brother. She also didn't tell us about a couple of related bank accounts, one of which, unbeknownst to me, I was an actual owner of, and the other we were both beneficiaries of. Unfortunately for her, however, when she alerted the bank of his death by cancelling our father's debit card, the bank contacted my brother to let him know the funds need dispersing. Having no idea what this was about, he contacted the wife and she went nuts.  Grandmaster Parker used to say something to the effect, "greed is the seed of destruction". He was right. It is. So the bills come. If they don't come directly from her, then I contact anyone I have to and explain the situation, and then threaten to sue them if they bother me again. Because after all, daughters who are molested by their fathers don't have to be responsible for the death bills. Wives are. Particularly in community property states. Which they lived in when he died. Women might want to think before marrying late in life. It's telling when daughters cut off contact with their fathers and no one will explain why.

All in all, even with the bumps in the road, the summer was awesome. I reconnected with my home, worked out in my greenhouse, did all the flood irrigation of our pasture, and I'm walking eight miles each day. Yes, eight. Four years ago, my RA had become so bad that I thought I would die. I was in what would become a year long flare. Half way through, I became a cannabis patient. January 2011 was the beginning of the end of my twelve year nightmare. I could barely walk during those years, making even going to the grocery store difficult. Excruciating pain 24/7 is exhausting, so to be able to walk eight miles a day is pretty cool. Unfortunately, Kenpo is another story. I have so much damage from the RA, that I find working out to be tricky, so that's going more slowly. The last thing I need to do is injure myself, but I've been a Black Belt for almost twenty-three years. And not being able to move like one for twelve of those years was devastating. Baby steps..

I hate platitudes, but the one about losing everything to find what you actually need is true. We all get so caught up in illusions that seem to drive our chaotic lives when we need to choose peace. We're only victims of our chaotic lives if we choose to be. We forget how much power we actually have to extend love and unity to others. Anything else doesn't deserve our attention at all..

Thanks for reading! Your comments are most welcome and so very appreciated!

But Now is the Time We Need a Mom-in-Chief the Most..

Michelle Cottle wrote an article in Politico in which she said that Michelle Obama is a feminist's nightmare or something to that effect. Apparently, she expects more of our First Lady than being Mom-in-Chief. As if that's not enough. After all, she's Harvard-educated. She should be championing feminist issues.

She is.

Feminism is one of the most over-defined words that only puts pressure on women to be "something else". Who they are doesn't matter as long as they live up to some bizarre expectation or standard. And how is that different from living in a patriarchal society, where men decide everything for us? Why would we put that same pressure on other women? 

We need a Mom-in-Chief. We need a First Lady who showers everyone with hugs and positive energy. Our children are being murdered at schools, malls, neighborhoods, and homes. We need a Mom-in-Chief to hold us and cry with us. We know she understands our sorrow and grief. We feel her love and devotion as we stand here, in shock over the vitriolic discussion about gun control. How could this even be an issue? Of course we need gun control. But mostly, we just need to remember our purpose here. Because you see, it really is about the children. We give birth to them and then create a life that sustains them. But as we all see, that doesn't always happen. 

Dreamers need a Mom-in-Chief. She knows that family is everything and its preservation key to our survival. She understands the value of education and that it elevates our society. She, along with our Second Lady, supports veterans and their families, speaking out on the issues they face on a daily basis. She and students planted a garden at the White House, using it as a teachable moment. Can you imagine if everyone had even a small garden? What a wonderful skill to teach your children. But instead of everyone seeing value in the garden, the more small-minded of us saw this as a means of socialist control of people. Yes, they went there. And oh my goodness, the uproar over her focus on exercise was deafening. And yet, I walk eight miles a day. 

Michelle Obama understands that family is a microcosm of the rest of society. Elevate the family with such things as education, equal pay, marriage equality and we elevate society as a whole. This isn't a socialist concept. This the human condition. It's not an attack on our freedom. It's a suggestion for another, more healthy way to live. It's about balance...something that's lacking in this country.

I really take issue with women who try to define feminism for other women. Women make choices and should be supported, not derided, for those choices. I am a college graduate, but I chose to stay home with my boys for the first seven years. After that, I had various jobs, but none in my field. For that, I would have had to attend graduate school and that wasn't an option then. Instead, I focused on raising my children. Does that make me less of a feminist than someone who has a high-powered job somewhere? I don't think so. I made my choices. Isn't that partly what feminism is about? Not letting others define those choices for us? Why then would other women judge us so harshly for those choices? I'll leave that to Ms. Cottle to figure that one out.

I've owned two businesses, one a martial arts studio and the other an independent motorcycle shop. I faced misogyny in both. As a black belt, I was far more skilled than my students, but oftentimes it seemed as if my male students only respected me when they couldn't remember something. Then, I was important. Otherwise, not so much. They couldn't understand that their behavior affected their advancement and I had a vote in that. 

In the motorcycle shop, it was just us. No employees. So I had to learn all about Harleys in an instant. I became well-versed in how they worked, and what parts went on them. I estimated accident jobs, and put together bids for engine and performance work. Much to the chagrin of many of my male customers, I also did their fuel injection tuning. Yes, I made their bikes haul ass. Their conflict over it was hilarious. So I understand the whole guy thing. I owned two businesses that catered to the male ego..well the dojo was there to combat it, but still, that's what I dealt with.

The point of this is that it's not easy to be a woman in today's world. We make up the majority of the minimum wage workers in this country. And now we have to revisit reproductive rights issues that should have been put to rest long ago. The war on women is bad enough with women piling on as well.

So thank you to our wonderful First Lady for being there for us..setting that standard..showing everyone compassion and love. Ms. Cottle would do well to observe and then emulate.