But Now is the Time We Need a Mom-in-Chief the Most..

Michelle Cottle wrote an article in Politico in which she said that Michelle Obama is a feminist's nightmare or something to that effect. Apparently, she expects more of our First Lady than being Mom-in-Chief. As if that's not enough. After all, she's Harvard-educated. She should be championing feminist issues.

She is.

Feminism is one of the most over-defined words that only puts pressure on women to be "something else". Who they are doesn't matter as long as they live up to some bizarre expectation or standard. And how is that different from living in a patriarchal society, where men decide everything for us? Why would we put that same pressure on other women? 

We need a Mom-in-Chief. We need a First Lady who showers everyone with hugs and positive energy. Our children are being murdered at schools, malls, neighborhoods, and homes. We need a Mom-in-Chief to hold us and cry with us. We know she understands our sorrow and grief. We feel her love and devotion as we stand here, in shock over the vitriolic discussion about gun control. How could this even be an issue? Of course we need gun control. But mostly, we just need to remember our purpose here. Because you see, it really is about the children. We give birth to them and then create a life that sustains them. But as we all see, that doesn't always happen. 

Dreamers need a Mom-in-Chief. She knows that family is everything and its preservation key to our survival. She understands the value of education and that it elevates our society. She, along with our Second Lady, supports veterans and their families, speaking out on the issues they face on a daily basis. She and students planted a garden at the White House, using it as a teachable moment. Can you imagine if everyone had even a small garden? What a wonderful skill to teach your children. But instead of everyone seeing value in the garden, the more small-minded of us saw this as a means of socialist control of people. Yes, they went there. And oh my goodness, the uproar over her focus on exercise was deafening. And yet, I walk eight miles a day. 

Michelle Obama understands that family is a microcosm of the rest of society. Elevate the family with such things as education, equal pay, marriage equality and we elevate society as a whole. This isn't a socialist concept. This the human condition. It's not an attack on our freedom. It's a suggestion for another, more healthy way to live. It's about balance...something that's lacking in this country.

I really take issue with women who try to define feminism for other women. Women make choices and should be supported, not derided, for those choices. I am a college graduate, but I chose to stay home with my boys for the first seven years. After that, I had various jobs, but none in my field. For that, I would have had to attend graduate school and that wasn't an option then. Instead, I focused on raising my children. Does that make me less of a feminist than someone who has a high-powered job somewhere? I don't think so. I made my choices. Isn't that partly what feminism is about? Not letting others define those choices for us? Why then would other women judge us so harshly for those choices? I'll leave that to Ms. Cottle to figure that one out.

I've owned two businesses, one a martial arts studio and the other an independent motorcycle shop. I faced misogyny in both. As a black belt, I was far more skilled than my students, but oftentimes it seemed as if my male students only respected me when they couldn't remember something. Then, I was important. Otherwise, not so much. They couldn't understand that their behavior affected their advancement and I had a vote in that. 

In the motorcycle shop, it was just us. No employees. So I had to learn all about Harleys in an instant. I became well-versed in how they worked, and what parts went on them. I estimated accident jobs, and put together bids for engine and performance work. Much to the chagrin of many of my male customers, I also did their fuel injection tuning. Yes, I made their bikes haul ass. Their conflict over it was hilarious. So I understand the whole guy thing. I owned two businesses that catered to the male ego..well the dojo was there to combat it, but still, that's what I dealt with.

The point of this is that it's not easy to be a woman in today's world. We make up the majority of the minimum wage workers in this country. And now we have to revisit reproductive rights issues that should have been put to rest long ago. The war on women is bad enough with women piling on as well.

So thank you to our wonderful First Lady for being there for us..setting that standard..showing everyone compassion and love. Ms. Cottle would do well to observe and then emulate.

Life goes on..

It's interesting. Every time I either stand up for myself, or do what someone in authority tells me to do, I'm viewed as a bad person. It's as if as long as I'm doing everything that everyone else wants, then I'm a good person. If I say no to something, I'm not. How is that even possible? Or fair?

And the retaliation is awful. Because they always retaliate. My father (abuser) dies and as one of the beneficiaries, I'm given account numbers that my brother and I are beneficiaries on so that I can arrange for their disbursement. I did that. Then, wouldn't you know it, I received more account numbers from another bank. It's funny because I don't remember being told about them by my abuser's wife's family member who called me to give me the initial account numbers. I seem to remember getting the additional account numbers from my brother who found out when the bank sent him some paperwork on those accounts. Until then, he had no idea that they even existed. And according to my brother, my abuser's wife didn't appear happy that he knew about them. But I wasn't there, so I don't know if that was true or not. After all, he had a different relationship with him and was pretty upset about losing his father. But then he didn't do the things to my brother that he did to me. So I contacted that bank, did what they asked and the funds were disbursed to me and my brother. Now I'm the bad guy for doing so. And now my abuser's wife is sending me his medical bills to pay. 

What I'd like to know is where is his will? I'm fairly certain that he had one. Who gets his personal possessions? I don't want any of them, but I know my brother would like to have something. Why do women get involved with men later in life, believing only what they tell them about themselves? Did she ever wonder why I had no contact with him? She's a mother. Didn't she suspect? I would have.

Well, I'm not going to pay anything and she has no right to ask for this. I had no contact with him for good reason. I wasn't safe around him. He had an arsenal that he used to intimidate and threaten me and my mother with. And where is that arsenal now? It was worth a fortune. I asked my brother and he doesn't know. Again, I don't want the arsenal. I want nothing other than what I've already received. I had no idea I was receiving anything and I had no idea my name was on any accounts. I had no contact with him. I had no choice there. He terrified me. And on July 2, when he died, I was finally safe. Survivors understand this. I'm sorry my abuser's wife can't. Instead, she's angry at, and punishes, his victim. I don't get this. He should have gone to prison for what he did. And she wants to punish ME?

I don't wish ill on my abuser's wife. I don't know her. I've never met her. And although I know my abuser could talk his way into and out of anything including a marriage (he's been married a bunch of times), I want nothing to do with anyone who has made a conscious decision to have something to do with him. I can't trust people who do this. I don't know if his past wives were unaware of who and what he was, but I can't take that chance that they were. He destroyed my chance at a healthy life. 

And on July 2, 2013, after 55 terrifying years, I took that chance back. So there you have it.